i made a desicion today i mean yesterday !

i don't want to get married !!!...
i think it might be selfishness to think that way ..but this is the 1st time to talk about my dream
i really want to get married to my soul mate who haven't come yet ...and mom & dad beside me
and have that kind of a love story like fairy tales ..like movies... and live happily ever after
that was my dream for sooo long ...but it's not that way
it's never like we imagine or the picture we draw in our head ..
reality is harder ...
who really can love some one like me ?? or even like me ??
i don't think there will be someone like that ...just on my imagination..
not in reality ...
someone like me ..needs a super different one ..u can say one from another planet :)
some one who will be kind to me ..and never say i'm a child :\
i just need supporting ..
i love to
watch anime .Japanese ...& watch Indian movies
and watch Korean drama ...
i speak too many languages ..
i'm bad when i'm angry ... this not happen much
i love drawing ..acting ..and i wish if i can dubbing anime & cartoons ..with my voice =D
i love reading , writing . inventing paper stuff
crochting , knitting ...
i really need some1 like me ..or having a similar soul :)..
so he can be my soulmate ^_^
having much on common ..

it's Al Fajr... time ran out ..i must goo .. but i'll continue tomorrow in shaa Allah in this same post

 even that dream i wanted to have a love story like fairy tales ..or like the one i wrote
i really admired the hero in my story ..wish if this was true :\
but still it's just in movies..., not even a chance ...
well maybe coz i don't feel good .i mean people no one really mention me ..or thank me ..or say anything about me..it's like i don't exist .. but i'm going used to it * i really don't need that stuff like thanks and this things ..well i do things and i never wait for anything in return ..i just forgive anyone easily ..that's it * :| ...
after all ...i'm good at hiding my feelings inside me & deal with it and get over it inside myself
that's enough ..
i think i'll take my time to get over that
i don't wanna get married that kind based on *salonat * blind meetings i can say ..
it's terribly bad ...in the end ..most of them ..no one really appreciate u in the end ...
just wasting time meeting  jerks all the time ..:@..
i really wanna it be like someone know me ..came to me in his complete awareness ..with everything i do ..my childish thoughts ...i'm some times very talkative ..sometimes no matter how hard u try to talk with me .. i don't even spell a word ..ahhh & the most important is someone accepts ..my Crazy ideas the whole time ^_^..
i think no one still thinking about me ..:D..that's soo bad & sad :|
but i believe if there is me exist in this world ..at least there will be one more person like me ^_^
i believe sooo :)..
in the end this all nonsense ...just talking and i do nothing at all
..coz like a fool ..if some one asked my parents to come ..
i can't refuse the 1st meetings ...not because i want this ..but
i really don't wanna mom & dad ..be sad because of me ...
so i'll go ..and then refuse later ...u 'll tell me why go in the 1st place then refuse ..
coz here they 'll get mad about i'm refusing meeting others and bla bla bla
in the end ..i just had one meeting in my life ..and i wish this never happen again specially this type of things ..coz it made me angry :@
that's why i really don't wanna anyone i don't know & he don't know me ..to ask about me ..
i hate this really !!  :(
ah plus it's soo stupid that people who marry just to get married without putting many things on mind  !!! ...
like my sister mother in law ..she keeps the old talking bla bla bla :@..
it's like if u don't get married u'll die ..!!!
and from the whole bla bla bla bla she was telling us
she means like accept anyone that comes to u ..y u care about his work or his education
as long he is a good muslim !!!!
and looking to other girls status ..not easy to get one
 it made me feel like ..ohhh i'm 40 years old ..and i missed the whole fantastic  men in the world
believe me ..i don't regret refusing anyone i've  refused ..
i was going to explode ..but my patience was good ..
i keep listening ..withour adding comments
coz i believe in not to enter  a conversation with someone who will never
understand ur point of view ..!!
so i closed my mouth ..coz i know no matter how i tried to explain to some1 like her ..
she will never get this ..
come on i'm still 20 ..and i wanna take my time &..live my life ..be patient in my choices
not anyone .. and she told me wt .. i think u r that kind * kind that not talks or have much requests * ..and she was going to bring me
someone what .. haven't completed  education & time b4 ..someone was previously married
how is she thinking !!!??
wow i'm super strong and patient that i controlled myself & my mouth :@
this people really made me hate everyone ..even marriage itself
really this made me sad for a time ...thank Allah .,,that i haven't met anyone that way
what makes that happen and  no one asks for me ..coz i'm having elder sisters
no one will come seeking for the youngest till the eldest get married
that's why i'm happy at this moment ..coz i've time  and to be safe
from such people ..such meetings ...
yeah and after how we were helpful to brother in law ...
jerko come back asking to meet father again and make things work .!!
will why he left in the 1st place and yet come back after the wedding !!
simply two words ..it's greed
1st place he left * Alhamdulilah this is the best thing ever* ..coz he felt i'm too much ..
and a pretty , educated & intellectual..would asks for more and be a heavy
plus our minds never the same ... i have much interests ..he is empty ..have nothing in head ..
in the end it's not coz of me .. this kind of person just wanna marry to be married ..doesn't matter who is the girl is ...
they keep asking over & over & over to back ...and we refused  once , twice , and too many
this really makes me sickkkkkkkkk really  !!  ..

i don't have much hopes ..i don't care of he is poor , rich or whatever ..this is not the thing in my mind ..& i don't care for that ..
yes i believe there must be close education level
have many thing in common ..so that it'll be something good& something to talk about
close politics views ...so u can reach to each other easily ...close  in thinking ..that's it
yeah mind are what really attracts me ..yes ..if someone empty headed ..i won't ever think about
it's about thoughts & way of thinking ..this in my opinion the key to personality type
in many many ways
and not smoking and good muslim ..sure
this is the things i look for
good Muslim - no smoking - brilliant mind  ..*someone attracts me by his thinking *

the most important thing that he knew me ...this  okay with me ..
still this is the hardest decision that anyone can make ..:\
as long there is someone like my best friend mayada who understands me without saying a word ...
this is a relief ...there maybe someones who will be able to understand me in the end
i'm not complicated at all ..some can  understand me & that's a good thing ..:)
i just wanna take my time ..and some people i wish if they stop interfering with my business
i will wait for the right person for me no matter how long it will take
it's a life time..many years ..at least u have to choose carefully ..
and in the end
Better to be with no one ...than to be with the wrong one..
this is how i'm thinking ..
i believe when u wait more and be patient more ..then in the end ..
i'll end up with what i wanted ..that's how i believe :)