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Life is too short, so it's Now or Never

الجمعة، 25 نوفمبر 2016

what should i do ?

a year ago .. i think it was in August 2015
i met someone ... arranged marriage meetings and stuff
he was a real good person ..the kind that i always thought i should meet and love
but when i met him back then i wasn't moved ...i mean it didn't feel anything
even we have met for 3 or 4 times i guess ... but i said no after all this
coz i found myself wasn't ready ..my feelings and everything ..besides i didn't get any feeling i was just spacing out the whole time and feeling sleepy mostly which is a dangerous behavior ..:\
through all this time since then ... every month he keep asking about me
sending words *through other people* like i can't met someone like her
and keep saying areal good things about me ... but i feel really sorry .. because i can't do this to a good person like him ...
this whole year .. he kept asking from time to time .. but things are different
i'm different ..until recently a week ago .. it's like he wants a new  chance !!
my mind keep thinking if that the good thing or not ..
i'm confused ..should i give it a try ?? or not ?!
i'm not afraid of not getting love or anything i mean with him i won't worry about myself
but the problem is will i be the same with him?
i don't like to do things with half heart..i'm all in or all out coz i don't like to do things because i have to do it .. i mean obligated to do it ..i want to be doing all the good things because i really deeply from my heart  want to do it !!! 
will my heart change ? or as my thoughts keeps telling me that what didn't moved me in the past won't change in the future ? i know myself
i'm afraid to say yes then i would hurt him again after giving him hope again
then what if my heart stays the same ...!! i can't be that bad to him ..
if i'm like this i think i don't deserve him :|
Everyone keeps tellling me give it a try .. it's not easy to find someone to love you like that
but the question that keeps me worried .. is that even Love ?

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