i'm a little sad :|

in the last 2 summer vacations ..they were the worst ever ///
that's why i hate summer vacations ...i hate having  much time , not having anything to do
let's say i'll cook ..clean ..do many works at home ...this is not enough ..and still there is much time left..
being  with myself ..make me have a bad thoughts ..that sometime scare me :\
i was sooo sad the last 2 summer vacations ..it was soo bad ones
that's why i'm afraid of this one ..i don't wanna it ..i'm afraid to fill in the sea of sadness again :((
i don't want that ..and even i like to be busy with something ...i can't be busy at this long long vacations ...i might hate college ..but i love the months of education ..at least i'm busy with something ...it's like too many things are missed :(
and yet i have no place to go for training on my last college vacations :((
and it seem i won't be able to see Olympics games & Wimbledon  
well what can i say ... i really wish i can enjoy vacations as i used to when i was younger
but it seem ..it's hard
seems like when we grow older ..we can't enjoy our times :(
i have a little hope it be a different ..although i know it won't be ...
i'm soo worried & sad ..from now :(..