i'm stuckkkkkkkk !!..i'm afraid too :((

hahhahahahhahahahahaha ...well i'm worried as if it's my first time ..and i'm not always being like that ...really i hate this in me ..i really wanna change it ...
but i can't help myself :\\
i'm afraid that i won't be able to help myself again ..:(..
why i'm doing this to myself ?!!
tomorrow maybe my last day at college ..and  last chance to many things..
then it will be along long holidays that i really hate ..coz it make me sad & desperate :(
and i'm not sure to go for training :(..
i'm no longer sure of anything ..which is a bad thing
i'm no longer able to swallow the tears inside me  more than this it'll explode :(
and i don't want this happen ..so i'll keep acting like i'm crying and laugh at my acting ..then it's over ..this what i have been doing the last 2 weeks ...
i'll try to keep it that way ..so no one see this ..coz i hate it ..
i'm always late .. late for everything .. :(
but i believe everything will be good in the end
i believe :)..i'll smile no matter what ...i'll be me no matter how many others hurts me ..
i'll smile and treat them better ...
this doesn't mean i don't feel it //.. i feel the hurt but i act like nothing ..
All is well ..