sad :((

i don't know what to say :(
i'm deeply sad
i can't believe
it's really hard
:'((

حقا اشعر بالامتنان ^^

هناك اشخاص مقدر لهم العيش فقط فى احلامنا
اسعادنا فقط فى احلامنا
ليسوا اشخاصا مجهولون تماما ..بلا اشخاص نعرفهم فى حياتنا
ولكن لم نحظى يوما بفرصة محادثتهم
نعلم عنهم الكثير من تلك الاحلام بدون ان يعلموا شيئا عنا
غريبة هى الاحلام كانها تصطنع احداثا ليست موجودة فى الواقع
تكتمل الاحلام كسلسلة من الاحداث ..احيانا مرتبة واحيانا غير مرتبة
حتى وان تكون مجرد كذبة ووهم وليست حقيقة
عالم من الخيال نعيشه كل فترة ويجلب لنا السعادة
هؤلاء الاشخاص يستحقون الشكر ..لانهم فى احلامنا برغم اننا لا نعرفهم لم يخذلونا
واستطاعوا اسعادنا ، بعكس الكثير فى الحقيقة
لذا سيظل هذا العالم الخيالى ن الغامض ,الغريب
مثير دائما وجميل
 ..حقا من يستحق الشكر هذا العقل الذى اصطنع تلك الاحداث الخيالية
فقط لاسعادنا واخراجنا من حالة كان من الصعب علينا اخراج نفسنا منها
فشكرا عقلى على كل شئ <3

will it flower again this September ?

i'm tired ..as i said before ..this special month always carry something good , not really good ..but something shocking ..surprising ..specially for those who are born in it >
i've said earlier that 2013 is the same like 2010 >> i can call it the worst year of my life
and yet i can't find something happy in them .. :\
although i was hoping much from this year , but it came to it's end for me this august
it had alot of tiring & sad things ..
and suffering from a deep pain since my health wasn't good for days ..and wt made it worse ..that my soul was in a bad state ..i lost all my powers by the end of ramadan and the last 3 days of Ramadan was hard for me .. as i collapsed
it was a mix of everything ..a state that it's hard for me to get out of it ..
feel lost ..have nothings ..i'm nothing .. people not the way we think they are
u r the only one who can help urself in this whole life ..
i was a bit shocked of many many things ..that it hurt me a lot .. still hurting me
i know this all from my weak self ..that couldn't even help itself :((
i felt like i'm going crazy ..my heart was going to explode from everything ..i'm no more patient for anything ..i cried evey day .. but nothing changed ..just crying every day and hiding the tears .. no one really knows ..i don't even know what wrong with me
i just lost my way for a little bit ..maybe not alittle ..i lost it all ..
i wish to be myself that i've known for along time ..but it's hard
every time it's harder ..:((
realizing many things ... i'm not the one i used to be .. i'm different
everything is different :|

after along fight with myself ..mind and soul ..healing that really is going to take  along time this time
i finally was able to find myself again ..it was just the start ..but i just get back 5 steps back..nearly to the start of August ..my self fighting gone :\

by the 1st day of september i got a new confession and a half
this put me in a deep and a sad mood .. i'm hurt ..angry and feeling sick
like dying
i refused the feelings of the full confession ..and the other half is waiting to complete it
realizing the there are people trying to get to you for years
one or 2 or 4 .. everyone have a specific hard times ..trying to get my attention and to finally tell me ...i'm grateful for them all .. but i can't accept all this feelings ..one will just be accepted ..so i feel sorry ..:|
i'm the 1st love of that ..and the 2nd for that ..and not even counting number  for that ....
it's hard to tell what will happen ..there are people if they say it ..i will accept their feelings happily ..
some tells u they love you , some tells u they hate you
sometimes you get in a bad mood and feel suffocating by the confession of love by  someone ...
and be happy when some specific people when they say they hate you
seriously ..it's not the love words that the girls seek for or will fall for it
it really depends on the person who says the words ..if he is someone acceptable for her or not
that's the point .. :)
not because it's a love words ..i will be fully happy and say yes and this stuff
i think  i really like this stuff like surprising ..and getting accepted
but reality isn't like a show, or a movies ..that why we like this things ..coz eveything is simple not like this world ..but what in movies stays in movies ..
it's a bigger decision to make in your whole entire life ..which you can't  make a single mistake
maybe it's too much of me ..maybe i don't get it
maybe i don't know what i really want
but seriously why i'm not happy after hearing this ??!!
for me it have one explanation .. which is ..
this is all wrong ..those aren't the right for me .. :((
do i make it big ?!!
i don't know ... i don't understand anything anymore ..
i just want to find myself ..
and
i didn't refuse the half confession ..
if it completes i think i might accept it  .. 90% i will ..
i may not feeling sad nor happy about it ..
but i'm comfortable with it .. :\

people we really like and we are comfortable with are the ones takes along time to say something , this in case they even say something :\\

 it's better to be with someone who loves you ,,than to be with someone you don't know
this is how i think

i wish my heart stop complaining and start to feel many things around
i'm starting to think that i'm really cold ..or maybe it's because nothing is right !!!! :-?


i know the question is a bit stupid it never flowers in september , it's impossible
:\
even if it were impossible i still wish it to flower again :)