bad feelings

well since this year started ...and i really haven't liked it ....as i knew ... it'll not present anything new
well i wasn't in a mood to start going back to college this year ....as i don't feel like i wanna study
plus my exams starts next week at wednesday  5 jan. it kills me ...we are the 1st to start exams ..
and will be the last to finish ....this is not fair !!!!!....
i'm going to hate this dep...although it is interesting ...but it became boring boring BORING ...
i'm bored and feel annoyed from college , students ,.....etc....
it like i'm going to be something else....
i feel i'm no longer willl stand it ...but sometimes i think of giving up ...but i can't do this
as i keep thinking of everyone &everything ...i try to encourage myself so i'll be able to be
better and find something to fight for....i'm not giving up
just for the sake for everyone care ..and people love me...i can't let them down ....
i'll be okay ...it just a matter of time ...and i'll be back again .....

dreams or Reailty

i must have ignored that dream ...i mean these dreams .....
dreams are just things that aren't true.....it's just a dream
dreams don't come true...........well not all of the them ....it's kinda strange
my dreams most of them are true .....things happen ....or parts of the dream
well i can say i'm kinda lucky ..in a very different way ....i never understand it
just soon i did .........like every papers or a book i have there is a repeated paper ...
i also take 2 exam papers ...!!!!really it's kind strange luck
remind me f my life ...and this how it is ....
i feel like i've seen all this before ...as if it's like a repeat !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's difficult to know whether i know something ..haven''t happened yet ..guess i may see it
but never will know until seeing it ..........
i became worried this days ...and thinks a bout the end of the world much ...
till i no longer feel myself...or feell this life ....
the difficult thing ...is the nautral of the human being ...had enough of the wide world....
technology or whatever ....i just think it doesn't matter anymore ...for anything.....simply
Nothing makes a different !!!!!!!!!!!! ....and it's not a dream that will change my life
although i must give up that dream ...i don't wish for a 3rd part anymore.....
i don't want to get confused or think something wrong for someone ....

because as ALWAYS for us ..it NEVER  work .....the end of the story ...

sickkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's a strange feeling when being sick ....sick ....mean many things
sick of something ...or sick ..:)..like catch a cold ,...,....,....etc
i'm really sick of everything ....yeah ....sick of college
sick of people ...sick of everything ...
don't know what's wrong with me ...but it seem ...many people feel the same way
don't know why ...but life is sooo strange ...
lately ...it's boring ....boring .... boring ...
everything ......

i don't wanna go to college ....or do anything ...this is my feelings
right now ....i guess it's something not good ...
but this is how i feel ..sadly...
today is a very strange day ,....
i can't even remember when it the last time i went to college early...
i no longer ..most lectures don't attend it...and that's really made me sad...
what makes this year also strange ...is that my health ..mostly wasn't okay
i collapsed many times ...the last one was last Wednesday...
don't know what's wrong with me ...
 i must be stronger ....
i think i'm worried about final exams ....i feel kinda lost
still we are going to college this whole week
having s.material exam at tuesday .....
concrete sheet for wednesday ...
and Topographic survey  lab exam. this thursday ...
1st final exam is at 5th January .....
and more 3 weeks of exams ....
thinking of all this ...just make me feel sick ..

well i look like feeling down some how....but this is life
it's full of ups & down ...we should fight & survive ...
i'll try to do my best ....

hello Safiiii..;)

this is a WELCOME post to you Safi ...welcome to my blog ...my thoughts...my world ...
:)...thanks for visiting ...:) ..wish we be friends Forever :)

my confession 1

this was written 29 nov,2010
i'm letting go ....
from now on ...
i'll let you all go ..
i'll not hold onto anything or anyone tightly
i'll no more care to lose anyone or anything ..
as long it's never been mine ...
from now on ..
i'll be more carefull of what i'm wishing ..
because i might get it all ...
but after getting it don't know if i'll like it or not...( sometimes it's unsuitable things )
there is many important things in life ...
i don't believe in my choices about it ....
because most of it depend on a little knowledge ...
this words are really from DEEPEST of my HEART...
i wish and hope everything go well to everyone
even if i'm not on it ....
i'll give up any competition
with anyone close to me ......when it just about wining another person ...
i'd love to lose for them :)..
sisters & friends .....
i'll always be happy for them.....

better than living feeling even a little guilt ...
i thought i'm abit selfish ...but my conscience  always prevent me from being like this
there are many people are better than me ....
i'm not qualified to win at any competition ....because always
othere misunderstand me ....no one really know the real me...
situations never save me ...just make me look worse ...:-\....
and people just judge by what they see...so no way ...although luck won't be
by my side....so i give up ..coz i know my self ...i'll feel guilt if i won ..feel sad for who lose ..
so it really doesn't matter for me to lose ...as i don't care for such shallow things
i know there will always be opportunities for me ....
the problem is ...only people close to me and who know me
they are the only ones knows me well ....very very well..
but any other never knew this & never will ....
it's not easy for me to talk easily to anyone really...
i'm not that kind of a social person ...i even don't talk much except with friends and family...
those are the only i talk freely with ...it's not easy for me to deal with any others
so if any others talked to me ...they will find me kinda rude...but i'm really not
i'm just feel Embarrassing....:@...that i'll look to other like bad person ...
that hates everyone...and others will think they are not welcome ...and that makes me feel 
angry ...coz they got the wrong idea ....:@:@:@...
the most thing annoys me really ....that other think something about me that really
has nothing to do with me ....specially 
when they think something wrong  ...it's just like burning ...
but this was in the near past ...i stopped caring for such things
i don't care what other thinks of me 
as long that i 'ven't done anything wrong ..or against religion ..
so i don't care for what other thinks ...
they will never like me any way ...so i'm not going to lose my time
on explaining what i mean ...or what i meant 
people think what ever they want to....
enough for me that the people i really care for knows me well 
and trust me ...and know that there are things 
never ever i'll do .....this what call trust ...
& respect 
that's all what i need ...
who don't trust me ... it's okay for me ...
because they mean nothing to me ...
i'll just care for the people who cares for me ...my family ...then my friends ..
that's it ...
no one will ever understand any other 100%...i believe there always will be
a misunderstanding ....

TO BE CONTINUED ...........

لماذاااااااااااااا؟؟!!!؟

لماذا لا يدرك الناس قيمة الاشياء الا عندما يفقدونه ؟؟!!!؟
لماذا لا ندرك قيمة الاشخاص الا عندما نفقدهم ؟؟!!!؟
لماذا نحن دائما متأخرين فى الفهم ...لماذا لاندرك ذلك ...؟؟!!؟
لماذا  لا نكون لطفاء مع الاخرين حتى ولو لم يكونوا كذلك معنا ؟؟!؟
لماذا ننتظر ان يرحلوا ونبكى ونتحرق لعودتهم لو حتى لدقيقه واحدة ؟؟!؟
لماذا عندما كانوا معكم لم تكونوا تعاملوهم جيدا بما فيه الكفاية ؟؟!؟
لماذا يجب ان تكونوا بهذه القسوة معهم عندما كانوا على قيد الحياه ؟؟!
لماذا الندم الان ؟؟!! لقد كانت عندكم فرص عديدة ولكنكم لم تقتنصوها ...
كم يؤلمنى ان أرى أناس يرحلون هكذا ...أتألم بحرقة عندما افكر فى كيف كانت حياتهم
الحياه قصيرة جدا .. كلنا سنموت يوما ما .. لماذا لا نقضى الوقت القليل المتبقى لنا على هذه الارض
الوقت القليل الذى سنعيشه ..فى سعاده ..نعامل بعضنا جيدا ...لانقسو على بعض
لانجرح بعض ... لا نسئ الى اى احد ..
لا نجلب الحزن الى انفسنا ... نرضى ونعيش ...
لماذا نعقد حياتنا ؟؟؟ اليس من السهل ان نفعل هذه الاشياء ؟؟ التى ستسعدنا .؟؟!
الحياه ابسط مما تتصورون ..انتم فقط من يعقدها ...انتم من تجلبون الحزن لانفسكم
اذا رضيتم بما قدره الله لككم ...اذا علمتم وايقنتم ان كلنا سنرحل يوما ما ...كل انسان سيرحل يوما ما
حينها ستكونوا جيدين معهم بما فيه الكفاية قبل رحيلهم
ستحاولون اسعادهم قبل رحيلهم ..
تعالوا نعيش الحياه بافضل ما فيها ...نرضى بما قدره الله ونحاول ان نرضى الله 
ثم نرضى والدينا ونطيعهما ...
ونكون جيدين مع الاخرين ..لانجرحهم ...لا نؤلمهم ...نتكلم فقط بالكلمة الطيبة
لا نقسو عليهم ...نحاول ان نكون افضل مع بعضنا كلنا ... حتى لا نندم على يوما أضعناه او دقيقه فى حزن او خصام
سيرحل هؤلاء الاشخاص حتى انت نفسك سترحل يوما ....
فكر كيف ستشعر اذا رحلوا ... وفكر ماذا يجب ان تفعل حتى لا تندم لاحقا ......

where is me !!!!?

it's been a while since the last time i posted here.....
even strange that i'm typing now in papers ...typing when i'm under my blankets and about to sleep!!!
Really i want to type many things ...still there is 2 old posts i wrote them nearly a month ..,& i haven't enough time to type them ....
i don't know whats wrong with me ...really ....
it's strange feeling ..feeling nothing ..blank ..if i look at my mood and my thoughts ..i can't see any colors ...just black and little white...well i can't describe it .....
i'm no longer can stand any pain ... even it was easy one ... i can't :(
i don't feel myself anymore....it's like being negative and giving up life...
All i can say ..is that...i'm really deeply sad ...with no obvious reason ...
i've never been like that before..
i'm no longer want to do anything ...nothing really encourage me...not this life ..not this society
i'm no longer want anything .....whatever ....
is there is a little thing left to give us hope?? even alittle one ..
everything is the same ..
i never say this coming words but i'll now...
i hate this Routine ...yes i feel like i had enough ...yeah ..:((
i'm no longer patient or interested in anything or at anything ...everything is the same for me ...
even people ..it seem they all the same too ....
i'm no longer wanna talk...i'm no longer stand the loud voices ....
i wish to do many many things ...for others & for myself...i wanna cheer up others ...but i end up with nothing ..i'm very boring person ...
yeah ....i'm bored even of myself......i think
life won't get any better.........where is me ....it's like it's lost...
i think enough talking like this now .....sorry readers ...for such black post...that just contain bad feelings and much boredom & sadness   .....
i hope to come back to myself again ..really i wish to come back .....:)

it's just a thought !!!

life has many definitions i like many of them  ,for me i think if we look to the side of opportunities & chances ...we can describe life like a train ..if we missed the  train ..this train not sure if u'll see it again or to got into it ... some never come back ...just will come different one but not the same at the one passed maybe better maybe not....even people are different every train ...
maybe also ..if we look to the side of luck & Fate ...we can decribe it like a boat with a sail
the wind takes it wherever u have to be ....

another one...depend on the importance of people in our life ...things..Religion ..
life is like a big Puzzle ..everyone & everything have a piece of this big puzzle
everyone comes to our life ...people we care for...people that passes by us daily
things we love to do ....,...etc...
everyone completes & put a piece on that big puzzle.....
but still there is a missing piece and that doesn't fit anyone ..except one person
only one in this world..the one you meant to be with ...the important one that complete the puzzle
the center piece ...that our soulmate in this life  will complete it ...
but if he never comes ...this part will be missed ...
that's doesn't mean others don't have any importance ..on contrary ..
some people leave this world ....very important for us ...and just leave a space
after they gone.... i think ..no one & nothing can replace anyone in my life
because i love to give everyone & everything its  importance...because every1 & everything
in our life ...are important for us ...even the little details ....everything really  have it's own place
that it can't be for anyone else .....

sunrise :D

After every sunset
there always be a sunrise
no matter how long it takes
the sun always Rise again
don't ever lose hope
no matter how dark it become
the light will come and show up again
even if you have a little hope
don't lose it
have a big one & continue
Remember everything will be fine in the End...:)

i'm happy :)

since i started this blog ....i really everytime i wrote something
i become happy
i'm even happy now typing this post :)
don't know why !!?
but in the end writing here make me happy
in some strange way..:)
and i like it :)

لست بجميلة !!!

اعلم اننى لست الاجمل 
اعلم اننى لست الافضل
اعلم ان هناك من اجمل وافضل منى
ولكن بعيدا عن الجمال والكمال
كل شخص به ميزه ما تجعله
يختلف عن الاخرون ويتميز عنهم
وهذا الذى يجعل من كل شخص
شخص نادر ومميز
فأنى على يقين ان هناك حتى ولو شئ
واحد يجعلنى متميزة بشكل ما
يكفينى فقط هذا الشئ الوحيد
الذى يجعلنى اختلف عن الاخرون
 :)
فى النهاية ... كل شخص متفرد بشخصيته ...
تتشابه بعض الاشياء والاجزاء فى كل الشخصيات
ولكن يظل هناك سمة مميزة لكل شخصية :)

وهذا ما يجعل لكل شخص جمال وطاقة جاذبة
من نوع مختلف :)

strange !!!

strange that i can't type what in my mind on papers
but i can write it by keyboard better !!!!!
i don't know why!!
it's the same fingers typing but it's difficult with my hand
but i can do it better on a computer with a keyboard !!!

Really strange ..!!!...but it works..
i'll do my best to try type it on papers ..away of that PC..hahahha..

!!!!!

عندما تثاقلت خطواتى ... اشعر بأنى واقفة لا اتحرك
المنزل قريب على بعد 3 شوارع ...ولكنى اشعر انه صعب الوصول اليه ..
أخذت ضعف الوقت الذى اخذه يوميا ...لا اعلم
ماهذا الالم الذى يتملكنى ..
فى هذا اليوم كل ما أشعره هو انى كنت جثة تتحرك
كنت شارده الذهن
اعانى من صداع منذ بداية هذا الاسبوع
منذ متى وانا اهتم لذلك
منذ متى واهتممت لادائى فى امتحان ما
الاداء ايضا لم يكن جيدا فى بدايه الاسبوع
ولكنه تحسن بمرور الاسبوع
ولكننى لم افقد الامل بعد !!!!

MidTerm Exams week :O

this year ..this week was kinda different ...in many different ways ...really
even my feeling was different
even i was sitting for too many hours for studying ...
 i wasn't studying well....don't know who is the problem ?? or what is it ??
i have alot of papers ...i didn't even look at all of them even look!!!
and i don't even know wt in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
anyway ...i hated that week soooooooooo much ..
i lost all my connection to any other thing in this world ...
i was bored and annoyed and almost angry ..
i was fed up with just studying ....ohhhhhh it's really boring!!?
somehow ...i feel i can't express or describe the feeling i had..
i was at my worst ....and i know i was mistaken alot ...
for a someone like me who just studied their 1st time since tthis term started ...
it was soooo hard....
i have doubts about many things...but hope everything go well in the end ...

ya rab el sana de  te3ady 3ala 5air :)

Elections !!!

there was election last sunday ....i've missed voting
it was going to be my first vote ever...1st election that i can vote
anyway i believe in the importance of voting
i missed voting because of the so called ( Midterm Exams week)
i was sooooooooo stuck ... that's was 1 reason
the other was coz in my place there are 19 candidates and i don't know any1 but just two of them
so that's was another reason ...coz if i went for vote
it would be unfair not knowing about the others ...:)
anyway ,,there are many elections ahead so i still have a chance
to vote for the 1st time in  my life...i think it will be nice :P.. :)) ...

feelings

كم اكره ان يسيئ الاخرون الظن بى ..
كم يضايقنى ان بسبب موقف ما يظن بى الاخرون شيئا لست عليه
كم يؤلمنى ان يصدق الاخرون كلام الاخرون الخاطئ عنى
ما يقتلنى ويؤلمنى اكثر ان يكون شيئا سيئا او قد يسئ الى ...
ولكنى لم اعد اهتم ...لم اعد اقدم تبريرات
لان العديد لا يستمع ولن يفهم
لانهم لم يكونوا بنفس الموقف
لان من لا يثق بى
من لا يستطيع ان يفهمنى
ببساطة

لا يســــــــــــــــــــتــحقـــنـــــــــــــــي!!!!

Love is a punishment..

this is the title of a song ....i like it .... :)...


لم يكن يجب على ان انظر اليكى
كان يجب ان اعيش فى عالم اخر
اذا كنت عشت بدون ان اعرفك
لم اكن لاعرف ذلك الالم
على الرغم من اننى كل يوم احاول محوك
على الرغم من اننى كل يوم احاول تركك
لكنك بالفعل دخلتى الى قلبى
ولايريد ان يتركك
ويسمى ذلك الحب
لقد كنت اؤمن ان الحب سعاده
لكن الحب الذى لا تستطيع ان تصرح به هو عقاب من السماء
لذا فقلبى يؤلمنى فى كل مرة احبك بها
لانك تعيشين وانت تمسحين دموعك



لقد نسيت انك عقابى
وشفاهى نسيت ايضا
لكننى خائف من ان اثمل واخبرك اننى احبك
لقد كنت اؤمن ان الحب سعاده
لكن الحب الذى لا تستطيع ان تصرح به هو عقاب من السماء
لذا فقلبى يؤلمنى فى كل مرة احبك بها
لانك تعيشين وانت تمسحين دموعك


ايجب ان احبك فى احلامى فحسب؟؟
لاننى كلما بكيت وبكيت ثانية ونمت وانا ابكى
يكون كل شئ كما هو بعد ان استيقظ
انا احبك .. سأظل احبك هكذا
بدون ان يعرف احد ، فى مكان لا تتواجدين به ، سأقول اننى احبك
 من خوفى انك من المحتمل ان تهربى بعد سماعك ذلك

احبك بدون ان يعرف احد ذلك


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ_TWJu33JE 

dreams !!!

انه لمن الغريب ان تحلم بشخص ما قبل ان تراه ...
ولكن الاغرب انك انت وهذا الشخص تذهبان الى نفس المكان كل يوم
تعرف عنه بعض الاشياء
ولكنه قد لا يعلم من انت حتى
لطالما كنت احلم باشخااص لم ارهم فى حياتى من قبل
ولكننى لا اتذكر معظم هذه الاحلام
ولكن اتذكر البعض القليل حتى بمرور العديد من االاعوام
اتذكر
لطالما احسست ان كل من اعرفهم
كل الاشخاص الموجودون فى دائرتى
كل من حولى
قد رأيتهم فى السابق
وكأنى اعرفهم منذ زمن
كأنى رأيتهم قبل ذلك
ولكنى لا اتذكر اين !!!
ربما حلمت بهم يوما ولا اتذكر
او ربما تقابلنا فى السابق وانا لا اعرف
تزداد الحيرة والتساؤل .. ولكن
يكفى
يكفى ان كل من قابلت يوما
حتى ولو لم تكن حقيقة
كنت اعرفهم فى السابق
حتى لو لم اعرف اين او كيف
:)

Heart breaker :( !!!!!

well ...i'm not sure of that......but that wt some people might say..... that i break hearts....
i believe it's better that some things are better not to be said ...coz when it be said it hurts more than just saying NO..
yes i might turn back him the cold shoulder ...in the end that is for their benefit....but no one ever understand ...and they get the wrong thoughts .... but if just they thought a little bit ...they would find it all out ...
i hate hurting other...i hate making other suffer... i just don't want to be  a reason for such pain that anyone have......
but for the cases in my life .....they are the ones that break their hearts by their own hands ...i have nothing to do with that....i've not forced them to do that to themselves ..
so for the people say so ...i made it clear for all of u ......
people breaks their hearts by their own hands mostly that what happens ....
i won't ever feel guilt for anyones broken heart.... coz they 've done that to themselves...
somehow they must know that heart is soo precious to give it to anyone that easy..
heart is a Castle waiting for a king or a Queen .... heart is not a motel ...anyone come stay the time they want & leave.at anytime ....
if u wanna ur heart be Good...save it for someone who deserve...
someone who will never breaks it..some one who will never hurt u...some one who cares ...
In the End if u treated ur heart well....it'll never hurt you ... :)..
i wish everyone get the happiness they are seeking ...:)

surprise !!!! 1st gift

I've bought the First Gift to my soul mate ..my second half :)....i really like this gift...i know it may mean nothing to any1 ...but for me it's good ...

so when my soul mate come 1 day ....i'll give it to him... as long still i'ven't find him yet...i mean he didn't find me yet ..:))... 
anyway i still waiting ..i hope he doesn't be late ... come soon :)



it's something like those :)..wish he likes it ..

2010

this note was written at september ,13 , 2010
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2010
this year is already finished for me....yeah it is...but i'd like to say things about that year
2010 has been the worst year....yeah it is....and i admit it i've changed alot in the last few months
well i don't think the coming 3 monthes will have anything better than the left months ...
i knew many new things about me ...
also nothing will change ..... & also i've been hurted enough many times by the so called my close friend ...
i'm not sure if i'll be living to the next year or not...
i admit that i was angry most of the time....deeply hurted...i may say some stuipd words that may hurt anyone...
i'm sorry for that...i hope you forgive me.....i know being sorry or feeling guilty will not erase the guilt ...
this  whole year i really felt that i'm really a bad person ...:((...just because i may hurted people without even notice this
life is strange ..and have changed alot...so do i ....
there are many things i haven't know....never thought it could happen ..i was blinded..
this life waken me up ...from many things i didn't give it much attention..i learnt much
- all the time i feel bad..feel annoyed ..with no reason...that wt i say..because no one will ever understand..
feeling annoyed or bad or angry it has nothing to do with my friends...most of the time..it's because people
people in street ...people i hear about..,...,..etc...very strange people...that's it..
the way others thinking...the way they behave ..i just don't like the most of it...
the problem is that many people that day are no longer know the difference between the right & the wrong
that\s really Breaks my Heart !!...how people become that way ...!!
well i decided not to care for the people and stop thinking about this strange people i may hear about or just met them randomly
at any place ..i know i can't coz i always sympathize with all..:-S
- a note to freinds & people i know....
i'm not a good friend...and i won't ..so don't put much hopes on me...i'm a Family Girl...that's me
my Family is Number#1 ...always family will came 1st..... no hard feelings..i just don't like the people that getting gealous
because i'm not with them like i'm  with my family.. this will never be...
the ones that come like a family are few ...no one get it easily..that's for me...
if i said 1 day i'm going home..that mean i'm going home..i love my home... i don't love hanging out with any1 except family
i feel bad as long i'm far away of my home.....but still i can adapt to any place easily..
yes there are many people i can't trust...i don't trust any1 easily.....but i believe others easily..it's kinda stuipd
so i decided not to believe any1 easily...but it ends up believeing anything ..:(...
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my first post

the feeling of the first post is really strange..
first thought to share
first thing to write ...it's toltally different :)
i wished along time ago to have my own blog..
hahahhaha..
at first it was too difficult for me to understand how it works
but now i understand it well..so i'll share all my thoughts ..

thanks Dina for making me understand how this site work :)..