good thing :) many thoughts

one of the best things today ..i didn't log in FB  today ..i feel better ..very much :)
1st time not to feel like i wanna write something or share something
just enjoy real life ..that wt i did ..i slept till 10 o'clock
i can feel him in the air ..but i was the best at ignoring this
i haven't eaten till 10:30 pm , it's the 1st time ..
i know i'm the best at acting the role of the strongest person ever ..this makes me feel tired most days // hiding the weakness inside u ...maybe being that strong cold person
although i want to cry soooo much ..but still i can hold this tears ..
although i feel a big gap & hole in my heart ....i still can look happy & smile
i don't want anyone to worry about me ..the problem is i was sooo sad on sunday ,, then 2 of my friends were sad today ..i felt pain ..this may be because of me ..i kept laughing & trying to do anything to make them feel better ..but no use..
it's even harder to try to do something for others u can't even do to urself ...
i'm not hiding or running ..i'm just wanna rest & make things better ..for my life that become
a mess ..a real mess... and bad luck continue ..i don't complain ..at least it leads me to things i should find out & know ..& that's a good thing :)
i decided that i have to be stronger ..& ignore all what annoy me & people too ..it's hard
but i must do it ..
i know no one cares anyway ..& no one will ever ..even i hid my self for a week ..no one will notice ..no one will care ..and mostly of who will ..will not show it for real ..that's why i always hate to hide ..coz i hate that fact & i'm sure that no one cares :)
this time i'm sooo tired ..my soul is tired ..very much ...that i can't take manythings anymore ..i don't want anyone to ask about me or notice ..coz if i find out ..i'll  feel bad & go back earlier than i should back ...and this time i shouldn't do this..i should get my fully recover & the longer rest i need ..till everything heals :)
i must focus on the other things i wanna do in my last year ..i want everything perfect ..:)
waiting to get my laptop , waiting to see what will go on for my sister , many actions in my life
the most important is to never regret anything in this life ..as nothing deserve really !
and all what happens in people life is the best for their sake ..& that's a good thing :)

i still have a dream inside my heart my soul my head .. i wanted all long ..for my whole life ..
but stil no matter that i'm sure this not happening for real ..in this life .. i still can't give it up
i still want to , wish for having kinda of fairytale :)

one of things annoy me ..that in this generation there isn't too many men that really men like we girls want ..i mean now they all idiots ..and mostly not grown up ..and till when we have to wait till they  grow up .. !! idiots idiots idiots ..not even thinking & not even trying
wanting the best while they are not ...that is  stupidity ..really make me feel sick

anyway ..i still have the hope of better tomorrow ..holding the best for us ..the best we can ever live ..better than we can ever imagine ..i just simply Believe :) ..everything will be okay :)

now after too long trip ..i can peacefully give it up now :)

i don't know how to start this ..maybe i was too much dreamer ..
now i'm too wake up , & know many things i might haven't known :)
1st: i miss the place here ..soo much ..
i wanna run away ..i think i can do it ..
there is no more things to be shown :)
it seem in the coming days ..i'll be active here :)..less FB & more studying ..coz i don;t want to miss my last year
yaaaaaaaaah ..it's been along time since i felt this great feelings when writing:)
2nd : now me as flower girl ...can let go of some person who made me suffer much in my dreams ..i'll let u go peacefully :)
i'm ready for change ...i made things i never done ..just for the sake to know more & to find out the truth ..that kept in hurting me all a long  ..in reality & dreams
i was crazy to think about  this dreams was different ..although i had 4+ dreams ..things this person told me & it happened for real ..
that wt made me hold onto it that much ..this dreams was never a lie
and why & how possiblly i can know this things b4 it happenes & he is the one telling me
maybe i never talk with that person , personal talks...but it's like some one u see from far
not even a friend or anything ..:)
in the past few months whenever i tried to give up ..something happen to let me keep on  it
for many many times ..
that why it took me this far to be able to let go peacefully in the end..
actually..i didn't even love this person .. i may just like him , maybe  ..there is no much..i mean he is not that typical man of my thoughts ..my hero ..my imagination for my 2nd half..
just dreams & situations made things a little complicated for me to know whats going on
 i prayed Allah to show the right roads always ..& to never love wrong person ..this heart to be kept to only one ..i've always prayed this ..
for me to start talking today ..made me realize many things i should know .. & i'm happy for wt i knew till now ..:) ..this made me happy
now i'm feeling soooooo free ...i'll forget about all this dreams & this whole thing ..anyway
i have a long list to do things in my life ..
i got a sign since the last week ..since last week till now ..i'm facing the worst of the bad  lucks ..that ever anyone can have ...that simply mean ..there is something in the way :)..*the sign for every girls*
good news soon
although this made me sad for the past few days ..being afraid to meet new people who might not be like how i thought ..till earlier this morning i was soo sad ...then things turned around
and everything is real now ..i feel good & i can accept meeting new people ..and make my new trial ..wishing myself the best to find mr right :)
my family   * for my older sister* are going today to meet someone ...if things work out
i'll be in danger after this , well it's no longer dangerous ..simply if good people i'll go on ..if bad then better chance next time ..
i'm totally grown up now :) ..till i learn new lessons ..too far Alhamdulilah i'm doing well :)
sayounara strange case :\