feelings

كم اكره ان يسيئ الاخرون الظن بى ..
كم يضايقنى ان بسبب موقف ما يظن بى الاخرون شيئا لست عليه
كم يؤلمنى ان يصدق الاخرون كلام الاخرون الخاطئ عنى
ما يقتلنى ويؤلمنى اكثر ان يكون شيئا سيئا او قد يسئ الى ...
ولكنى لم اعد اهتم ...لم اعد اقدم تبريرات
لان العديد لا يستمع ولن يفهم
لانهم لم يكونوا بنفس الموقف
لان من لا يثق بى
من لا يستطيع ان يفهمنى
ببساطة

لا يســــــــــــــــــــتــحقـــنـــــــــــــــي!!!!

Love is a punishment..

this is the title of a song ....i like it .... :)...


لم يكن يجب على ان انظر اليكى
كان يجب ان اعيش فى عالم اخر
اذا كنت عشت بدون ان اعرفك
لم اكن لاعرف ذلك الالم
على الرغم من اننى كل يوم احاول محوك
على الرغم من اننى كل يوم احاول تركك
لكنك بالفعل دخلتى الى قلبى
ولايريد ان يتركك
ويسمى ذلك الحب
لقد كنت اؤمن ان الحب سعاده
لكن الحب الذى لا تستطيع ان تصرح به هو عقاب من السماء
لذا فقلبى يؤلمنى فى كل مرة احبك بها
لانك تعيشين وانت تمسحين دموعك



لقد نسيت انك عقابى
وشفاهى نسيت ايضا
لكننى خائف من ان اثمل واخبرك اننى احبك
لقد كنت اؤمن ان الحب سعاده
لكن الحب الذى لا تستطيع ان تصرح به هو عقاب من السماء
لذا فقلبى يؤلمنى فى كل مرة احبك بها
لانك تعيشين وانت تمسحين دموعك


ايجب ان احبك فى احلامى فحسب؟؟
لاننى كلما بكيت وبكيت ثانية ونمت وانا ابكى
يكون كل شئ كما هو بعد ان استيقظ
انا احبك .. سأظل احبك هكذا
بدون ان يعرف احد ، فى مكان لا تتواجدين به ، سأقول اننى احبك
 من خوفى انك من المحتمل ان تهربى بعد سماعك ذلك

احبك بدون ان يعرف احد ذلك


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ_TWJu33JE 

dreams !!!

انه لمن الغريب ان تحلم بشخص ما قبل ان تراه ...
ولكن الاغرب انك انت وهذا الشخص تذهبان الى نفس المكان كل يوم
تعرف عنه بعض الاشياء
ولكنه قد لا يعلم من انت حتى
لطالما كنت احلم باشخااص لم ارهم فى حياتى من قبل
ولكننى لا اتذكر معظم هذه الاحلام
ولكن اتذكر البعض القليل حتى بمرور العديد من االاعوام
اتذكر
لطالما احسست ان كل من اعرفهم
كل الاشخاص الموجودون فى دائرتى
كل من حولى
قد رأيتهم فى السابق
وكأنى اعرفهم منذ زمن
كأنى رأيتهم قبل ذلك
ولكنى لا اتذكر اين !!!
ربما حلمت بهم يوما ولا اتذكر
او ربما تقابلنا فى السابق وانا لا اعرف
تزداد الحيرة والتساؤل .. ولكن
يكفى
يكفى ان كل من قابلت يوما
حتى ولو لم تكن حقيقة
كنت اعرفهم فى السابق
حتى لو لم اعرف اين او كيف
:)

Heart breaker :( !!!!!

well ...i'm not sure of that......but that wt some people might say..... that i break hearts....
i believe it's better that some things are better not to be said ...coz when it be said it hurts more than just saying NO..
yes i might turn back him the cold shoulder ...in the end that is for their benefit....but no one ever understand ...and they get the wrong thoughts .... but if just they thought a little bit ...they would find it all out ...
i hate hurting other...i hate making other suffer... i just don't want to be  a reason for such pain that anyone have......
but for the cases in my life .....they are the ones that break their hearts by their own hands ...i have nothing to do with that....i've not forced them to do that to themselves ..
so for the people say so ...i made it clear for all of u ......
people breaks their hearts by their own hands mostly that what happens ....
i won't ever feel guilt for anyones broken heart.... coz they 've done that to themselves...
somehow they must know that heart is soo precious to give it to anyone that easy..
heart is a Castle waiting for a king or a Queen .... heart is not a motel ...anyone come stay the time they want & leave.at anytime ....
if u wanna ur heart be Good...save it for someone who deserve...
someone who will never breaks it..some one who will never hurt u...some one who cares ...
In the End if u treated ur heart well....it'll never hurt you ... :)..
i wish everyone get the happiness they are seeking ...:)

surprise !!!! 1st gift

I've bought the First Gift to my soul mate ..my second half :)....i really like this gift...i know it may mean nothing to any1 ...but for me it's good ...

so when my soul mate come 1 day ....i'll give it to him... as long still i'ven't find him yet...i mean he didn't find me yet ..:))... 
anyway i still waiting ..i hope he doesn't be late ... come soon :)



it's something like those :)..wish he likes it ..

2010

this note was written at september ,13 , 2010
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2010
this year is already finished for me....yeah it is...but i'd like to say things about that year
2010 has been the worst year....yeah it is....and i admit it i've changed alot in the last few months
well i don't think the coming 3 monthes will have anything better than the left months ...
i knew many new things about me ...
also nothing will change ..... & also i've been hurted enough many times by the so called my close friend ...
i'm not sure if i'll be living to the next year or not...
i admit that i was angry most of the time....deeply hurted...i may say some stuipd words that may hurt anyone...
i'm sorry for that...i hope you forgive me.....i know being sorry or feeling guilty will not erase the guilt ...
this  whole year i really felt that i'm really a bad person ...:((...just because i may hurted people without even notice this
life is strange ..and have changed alot...so do i ....
there are many things i haven't know....never thought it could happen ..i was blinded..
this life waken me up ...from many things i didn't give it much attention..i learnt much
- all the time i feel bad..feel annoyed ..with no reason...that wt i say..because no one will ever understand..
feeling annoyed or bad or angry it has nothing to do with my friends...most of the time..it's because people
people in street ...people i hear about..,...,..etc...very strange people...that's it..
the way others thinking...the way they behave ..i just don't like the most of it...
the problem is that many people that day are no longer know the difference between the right & the wrong
that\s really Breaks my Heart !!...how people become that way ...!!
well i decided not to care for the people and stop thinking about this strange people i may hear about or just met them randomly
at any place ..i know i can't coz i always sympathize with all..:-S
- a note to freinds & people i know....
i'm not a good friend...and i won't ..so don't put much hopes on me...i'm a Family Girl...that's me
my Family is Number#1 ...always family will came 1st..... no hard feelings..i just don't like the people that getting gealous
because i'm not with them like i'm  with my family.. this will never be...
the ones that come like a family are few ...no one get it easily..that's for me...
if i said 1 day i'm going home..that mean i'm going home..i love my home... i don't love hanging out with any1 except family
i feel bad as long i'm far away of my home.....but still i can adapt to any place easily..
yes there are many people i can't trust...i don't trust any1 easily.....but i believe others easily..it's kinda stuipd
so i decided not to believe any1 easily...but it ends up believeing anything ..:(...
...........................................................................................................................................

my first post

the feeling of the first post is really strange..
first thought to share
first thing to write ...it's toltally different :)
i wished along time ago to have my own blog..
hahahhaha..
at first it was too difficult for me to understand how it works
but now i understand it well..so i'll share all my thoughts ..

thanks Dina for making me understand how this site work :)..