new look !!

i decided to change the shape of my blog ...especially .to something more bright & better..
as lately ..i feel bad ..and i think it's really soooo desperate background...make anyone feel sad
so wait for the new look sooooooooon :)...

i hate this !!!

كم اكره هؤلاء الناس ...
الذين ليس عندهم اى ذره كرامة ...
لا يفكرون بعقولهم
كيف يتجرأون ...
بعض الناس قد خرجوا من حياتى قبل حتى ان يدخلوها
والبعض خرج بعد دخولها
كيف يجرأ شخصا ما ان يطلب شيئا او يقول شيئا
لا يخصه ولا يعنيه
كيف يجرؤ شخص ان يخبر اخر بانه يحبه فى حين انه ليس لديه دليل
او اى خطوه ..
اشعر بخيبة امل فى هذا الشباب وهذا العالم
عندما يتحول كل اهتمامهم بالاغانى .. والافلام
التى قامت بتسميم دماغهم
كل تفكيرهم هو الحب !!!.
وكأن هذا هو الشئ الوحيد فى الحياه ..
من كثر اللى يسمعوه واللى يتفرجوا عليه
كيف اصبح مجتمعنا هكذا ..
ياااااااااااااااااااااااااااه كم يؤلمنى هذا
كم انه لشئ حقير ان يأتى شخص ما
يعترف لك كما يقو بحبه فى حين ان
هذا الشخص كل ما يفكر به هو الذهاب والخروج والاحاديث
حتى لا يفكر فى اى شئ جدى!!!!
شباب احمق
نعم احمق وغبى
احمق وغبى من يحتقرنى او يفكر يوما اننى من هذا النوع من الفتيات
احمق وغبى من ظن يوما ان اى كلمة من هذه سوف تهزنى
احمق وساذج من ظن يوما انه سيدخل قلعه قلبى ...
اتريد ان تعرف السبب ايها الاحمق ...
لان قلبى ليس ملكا لاحد
قلبى ملك لربى
قلبى كالقصر..ينتظر ملك هذا القصر... احافظ عليه لنصيبى ..للشخص الذى سيصبح زوجى فقط
ليس قلبى كالفندق ...يدخل ويخرج كل شخص يعبر به ...
هههههههه ...هذا ما وودت قوله عندما رأيت سذاجتك ...
يحاولون بكل ما عندهم من قوه ان يؤثروا عليكى ..ان يقنعوكى بوجهتهم ..
ولكن اختاه لا تستسلمى ...
لا تخسرى دينك
لا تخسرى اهلك وثقتهم
لمجرد بعض الكلمات
هذه الاشياء لا تسوى شيئا ...
قد يظن البعض ممن لم يتعرضوا لهذه المواقف انه ظلم
اذا رفضت الفتاه هذا الشاب
الذى لا يستطيع النوم لانه يفكر
ويكتب القصائد
يظل يذكر ان يحبك
يفضحك امام اصدقاؤه ...
صدقينى هذا ليس حبا
هذا غباااااااااااااء..
اذا اعجب بك شخصا يوما ..
سوف يأتى اليك ويخبرك
انه يريد ان يعيش معك للابد
وقبل هذا سيقول انه يود ان يقابل عائلتك
..
هذا اذا احب شخصا اخر بصدق ..
سيخاف عليك
يحترمه
لا يذكره امام اصدقاؤه لانه يحافظ عليه
يحترمك ويقدرك
يثق بك ..
سيحاول الحفاظ عليكى كاخواته
لن يفعل ما يؤذيكى امام اى احد
لن يفعل ما يؤذيكى ويؤثر على وجهتك
لن يرضى باى شئ قد يسئ اليك او الى اهلك
و......الكتير من الاشياء الصحيحة

المشكلة الحقيقية اننا اصبحا نعيش فى عالم اختلط فيه الصح بالخطأ
لذا انا لا احب هذا العالم ....

Stupid emotional girl :(

yeah it's me ..... well i must confess this now ...no one know this ....coz this is the hidden side of me that really most of others don't know ...well i'm ...i mean ...i was ...very senstive ....alittle word hurts me & made me cry .... so i've decided along time ago ...to swallow this tears and be stronger that's why after years of practicing ..i become stronger now .....but .... this side trying to come out ...and show it self again ...i think it's because i kept swallowing all the things that annoyes me so it pile up ..that i can't bear anymore ??!!!!!!!....
no one can ever stand how hard when a hurt word is said and u just ignore it !!!....it's hard ...and feels like heart is bleeding ....i hate to cry infront of others ...and when it happen ...i hate myself ...
for me ...looking like strong rock better than looking like a fragile bisscuit easy to be broken ...

yeah after years of practicing ...words and some actions don't even affect me ...coz ..i've decided this along time ago ...:s....but still words hurt ...just from a few persons not every ones ....
but a few time it hurted and i didn't cry ...i just feel angry coz ..even i defended myself .. no one will ever understand me ...coz they will never accept your excuses ...:(...really i wanna say...not all excuses is a lie ....:(...no one put themselves on others shoes to see how they deal or will deal ..
this world became very hard with much misunderstanding ..:((...
so i stoped explaining and stopped caring for what the hell other people think of me ...
* what really makes me angry and hate myself ...that my tears just fall in some situations without even my permission ...it's uncontrolled ...i feel embarssed really :((....:$ ...
- i can swallow ...any pain ...any tears ... i can forgive and accept apology of everyone ....yes i'd say i'm okay it's nothing ....but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt or annoy me ..!!!
- also i'm mad at my self ...coz i get hurted for other people ...i get hurted of words that have nothing to do with me at all...!!!...my problem is ...i can feel feel others very very much ..that i can't explain ..and it really hurt me ...and i feel guilt easily for any word i say might hurt any other...:(
i feel angry of negative people ...that accept the un fairness ..and just live like that ...doesn't even seek for their wrights ...or anything... don't even defend themselves ..:(..i feel pain for that....
even if i know all of this ... i'm aware of all this ...sometimes i hurt others without i even notice ... i feel guilt ,,,even if i say sorry ...this word won't ever remove the pain felt of the word when said ...so i'm doing my best to avoid this ...i just don't want to hurt anyone ...:(

:((

well ..it seem i've lost my little note book that i type my thoughts on it ....:((...how i'll write these posts now.....i'll search for it ....i hope to finish all writing :)

i've gone crazy !!

yeah ...since i started playing on ...miniclip.com ....i can't stop my self from playing specially ...these games
suduko - Anagram magic - 8ball pool Multiplayer - winter Bow master.....
really ...i like them ...and i love to play these games :)....

a waken mind

ohhhhhhhhhh ...what i can say about my self ...it really make me tired ...hahhhhahahha...
whenever i'm about to sleep the day before exam ....ia brilliant idea ...come...!!!..
and keeeeeeeeep thinking ....i think that why i haven't slept well lately ...:(....
it's kinda strange ...but i wanna write many many posts as i can ...i wanna to empty the existed thoughts ...so i can get another new one....i'd be dreaming if i say ..i wanna feel relaxed abit from this whole thoughts in my mind ..that i'ven't written .....so i'll write them ..so i'll feel kinda relief ...so i'll try to do my best effort to finish most of them ...so i can focus on my next exam :D...

2010---------> 2011

well i can't say that the last year was good or better ...because many things happen ..
i realized many things .... i feel like i've grown up 20 years ...
i've no wishes or hopes for the new year
i don't even wish for a better year coz i know it won't be much different than the last
In this year : 
# 1st time to make a birthday cake
# 1st time to spend much time in kitchen
#1st time to bake a cake
# 1st time to visit el Qanter
#1st time to go on a training for my future job
#1st time to hate the summer vacation trip
# 1st time ...well not the 1st but 1st since i entered the college ...to get hurt by aclose friend
#1st time to come closely to hate someone
#in 2010 ...we lost one of the family and it's my aunt ..a day before ramdan....since then my life had changed ..
# 1st time to face this situation ...and i faced it twice this year ..and i refused it
i haven't broken anyone's heart ...they did this to themselves ....( my life is a big Drama )
# 1st time to hate college
#i discovered the key of my happiness & it's helping other ..that's really made me happy :D.
# i wanted to do something very much but i couldn't ..:(..
# medicine came back to my life after 5 years with no medicine !!!..
# 1st time ...i didn't feel the holy month of Ramadan ..
#1st time ..to give up everything ..although i wanted to ...but i couldn't ...as long there are people care for me & love me ...i'll be stronger and fight till my last breathe ..
#1st time to cry infront of my friends & a professor ...the worst ever...and i really was deeply embraced ....i couldn't hold my tears ..i couldn't even say a thing or explain my situation ...although i talked alot ...but i hated the way she replied me ...this situation made me angry of many things ...as no one can feel any other circumstances   ... no one can understand ..that not every excuse is a lie !!!! :@:@:@:@:@
# 1st time to be sick at college ...:(
#in this year ..i collapsed many times ...not as usual ...!!! :S

# 1st time to dream of my Soulmate ..his birthdate his name ...his work & everything ...but unluckily ...i haven't seen his face ....and all i remember is that his 1st name ...and 2 numbers of his birthdate ...1 or 2 ..the birth date contain these two numbers ...i wish this dream is true ...
really i liked him ..:$:$...i dreamed of him twice ...with the same information :D..

# life is unexpected & getting serious day after day ...
# 1st time to think seriously about wearing NeQab ...
i can say 2010 is the saddest year i've ever been through ...
that's it .....

my coming posts :P

this are a list for all posts i wanna write :
- 2010-----> 2011
- just stupid emotional girl ..!
- a message for every one through 2010
- it's boring !!!
- i'm lucky
-my confession 2
-things i wanna do with my soul-mate :P
.....mmmm...this is what i'm up to till now ....so wait for all the posts .:)

i hate this !!

yeah ....as it sooo obvious that i was here in blog for 5 times....!!!...but haven't written anything
i can say ...everytime i try to type a thing... something happen ...and i don't complete writing or i just after i open ...i feel like i don't wanna type now.....
i love my blog..and wish to renew it with new theme soon...but still this blogspot options are very hard for me ...i need more time to know it well ...:)...
although i've written many posts on a little note i had ...it'll be finished as just a few papers left ...
so i had to write at least one or two from the posts i've written ...i wish no one interrupt me ....:@..
as i feel good after typing my posts....and although i have an exam on thursday so i ahave to type it today ...coz tomorrow i won't be on net .....so i'll end this post now ...coz i wanna type my posts for the new year ...:)....see u next post :P....

decision !!!

yeah this new year surely must be different ...yeah i mean it .....i know i failed to do most  of things at my last year list.... but still i'm on my way again and i'll type them again and try to do my best ..
As long i'm no longer interested on internet ..so that i'll save time for me &myself ...
Today ..i'll write my list for the 2011 ...
i'm not giving up yet ....i'm not giving up yet ...i'm not giving up yet ...
WAIT FOR ME