graduation project !!! :\

life getting busy & busy everyday ..facing the worst ever... i think i messed up things in midterm week :\
obviously ..i need to start working really...work hard..give up this laziness :(
today was bad ..this wasn't the 1st prof. to complain about the degrees and how bad is it ..for most of the students..:\\
i know i need to be pushed ..and need help ..but i never ask for it ..:\\ although i know no one will ever just come to help me without asking ..i never ask ..seriously ..it's hard for me
and i hate to use others ..so i try to do it all by myself
also today ..we took the paper for choosing the Graduation project :\\ ..i felt sooo bad..kinda lost , angry ..mixed feelings...don't know why ..!!??
it's not because i don't know what to choose ..no ..i know what i want..but i just want 2 projects ..i can't find or think in a 3rd choice..although i had a bad degree last year..that will really affect getting in the project i want :\\ ..i'm afraid what if i didn't got anyone of the 2 i want ..what should i do??!!!...i hate all subjects in the dep.
although myself kept on raising up my soul ..that Allah will help me & i will get one of this two , i felt bad and not okay inside me ..
don't know why ..??!!..i think maybe it's because ..i'll be losing the peace in my life :||
really i like simple life ..no complications ..just peace...i just love this..
but when i feel uncomfortable ..or something is getting on the way of my peace..this make me angry !! ..puts me in a bad mood ..or i just really need help and the fact i can't ask for it ..maybe one of the reasons :|
well i'm looking forward for better days a head to come..
i just need more of many things..more time..more sleep ..working...&..&..&...
 my life is in a mess :\ ..
ya rab sa3dny :|
 

this week !

this week is my midterms exams week ..it's busy i know...thanks to Allah ..tomorrow is off ..:)..this is a relief especially .. i'm having a hard one on tuesday :D..
well i'm not stupid ..i'm smart enough ..but i'm tooo lazy to study or to work harder..it's just enough to me to just pass..i don't like to do more efforts ..i feel it's like wasting time..enough engineering faculty is a waste of life time..i don't wish to waste the little time left on my day in this silly things..i don't care for grades ..enough i know & understand what i'm learning :)..
i just wanna have more time to do many things i want to do ..i just wanna enjoy my life..do thing i like ..not to waste time again :)..simply this is my way :)..
i mean this kind of college ...make the one lose his real life..just be far from everything ..
i can't lose my social life, my activity ,my old friends ,....etc...:)..
i was happy i started to learn Japanese language from the last month ..it's amazing ..i can't help it ..and i can't stop it XD ..i love also korean ,,after 10 years of watching korean drama ..i can talk and understand many many :D..wish to learn it too in the future :)..

recently i have this feeling inside me deeply..i wanna someone to study with me ..i'm longer can study ..and i like if someone tells me & explains for me ..this will be awesome ..just like the dream i had 4 years ago ..but i couldn't see the face of the one who was studying to me ..i just remember he was wearing glasses ..just like my childhood dream friend ..who always come to my dreams..i don't know him or even his name ..i just called him strange name no one can call it but me ...i can't even type it ..coz i can't figure out the letters of his name :)..:\
looking back to it ..no one believed me when i was talking about my dream hero ...our talks ..our plans ..he was such a good friend ....he wasn't so old..it's like he was about 3 years or 4 years older...i dreamt of him a lot ..i can't remember coz this dreams was b4 i go to school ..i just remember one dream ..i think he left me since then and never show up again in my dreams...
but since july 2010 ..one man show up on my dreams ..it was 4 dreams ..i never saw his face ..but he always left me notes everywhere ..i think he might be my little hero but he grew up now..i saw him when he was leaving but never seen his face ..i know some details from my dreams but not much ...he made me crazy sometimes ..but after 4 dreams i waited for him to show up & see his face,,,but he never come again ..and i never see his face ..strange dreams of mine ^^ ...to know someone through dreams ..never met them ..or maybe met them but never know  who they are ??..strange ..
i gave this up along time ago ...it's like searching & thinking & wasting time ..of someone who never exist ..but just in a dream ....for me ..he was just a dream..dream made me happy when i was young ..made me angry when i'm old ..:)..i'm over all this now ..coz there are many other things and dreams came to happen *it's been about year now* ..made everything is different ..
like always i give up those dreams..coz it only happened while i was sleeping ..:)
i have nothing to do but to give it up ..so i can peacefully live my life & go on..
after this ..dreams never stopped ..i still get it ..it aches my head alot ..
there are some people who wish me never sleep well :D ,,but i dream and never think of this dreams or count it any more..simply i give it up ..it's like someone is after me !!!

my life in a word *complicated*
in 3 parts.. Reality , dreams , internet
Reality ..is a mix of both ..people after me ,,people make me feel sick ..people from dreams
just complicated
Dreams : even in dreams .. i'm so tired ..my head is lost...dreams happen& come true ..just a person following me in my dreams ..make me dreams &  reality harder
..
internet .. people who stalk you ..wt u said wt u did ,...bla bla bla .& judging u .>.<
people who are acting weird & mysterious ..& people who are trying things in secrets..
and annoying people ...people who love in silence ..watching from far.. people who are not acting the real self ......etc

this is all make me feel sick .. specially internet..why people can't just be themselves,, no one will bite you ..or kill you..and why people just interfere with everything..i just wanna tell them ..mind your own business  ..
simply be you ..it's better than hiding behind a name or a fake account or whatever ..
i like people who are real ..that's more trusting ..just to be the real one they are ..that's all

after all the annoying things i got through ...i really don't care..
i live my life simply the way i want...i'm no longer thinking about wt annoys me ..
the only one thing i'm working on it now ..is to be a better muslim ,,abetter version of myself..
i'm trying to be someone...i don't care who said what or who did what ? this nonesense talking of people..hate it >.< ...what we really must care for ...is changing ourselves to the best...
please Allah ..and get closer to ..worship ..pray ..read Quran ..there are many good things we can do ...
treat others good...give without expecting in return...just do things just for Allah
make others Happy..never be the reason of someone sadness ..raise the spirits
always be with Allah ...nothing is better than this <3
that's all wt i'm trying to do a long time ago ..this what i'm focusing  on ..
this is the road to happiness ...
but no matter how others try to ruin this or stand in my way
this is the only thing in life ..deserve fighting for ..
this is the change we really need :)

i Love Allah ..اللهم لك الحمد كما ينبغى لجلال وجهك وعظيم سلطانك

new start ..new beginig :)

things have been strange lately :).. since 4th nov,2012 ..i made a decision which i meant by it ..that iit will be permanent ..i give up many things.. because having many things to do or to hold onto ..is tiring ..there is things more important than others ..so i deleted things that just staying on my way to get to other dreams..:)
back to few days ago i felt miserably with no reason ..like feeling u r connected someone who is far from u ..feeling their pain without even realizing ..i kept praying for whom i'm connected to ..whoever to feel better & to be stronger ...in a day everything back to be good :)
i know ..i'll be lying if i say that i'm okay..or not feeling bad..it's like dying everyday ..hardly breathing ..things go wrong .. this country just put me in much pain ..my only way to feel better ..is just writing ..writing really make me feel better ..better in many ways...like i'll type all what in my head & wt i feel ..so it's like telling someone , but these things can't be told..and the humans always want to talk and say it all ...just a relief :)..
i know my runaway from sadness or depression was always playing games or getting lost on watching drama or anime ....whatever just to keep me away from everything hurts around ..i think i got used to that ...this really made me not to feel lonely ..:)..
well i'm not giving up many things ..not yet..i still believe ..hoping for the best :)
i realized many things ...made me a better person than i was ...thanks to Allah :)
i still have my good dreams ..my own world ..my everything :)..i still believe
although i have to do things b4 i leave ..it's 2 months b4 i leave
there are many things i wanna do ..things i promised others with ..even if it was years..i just wanna make them all .:)..i just want to make others happy ..so they won't miss me and remember me with good things always :D
really i changed a lot ..and so my life :)
new officially start..since the 1st of this Hijri year :) hoping for the best always :)
time is running out ..& i don't want to waste more :)