what to say ?!!

1st ..i'm feeling cold right now ..don't know why ..but it seem because of the weather :P..
many things on my mind...i was going to write many posts ..but i forget it the moment i opened this blog !!!
it seem i'm back to old days when i forget what i wanna write !!!
- i really wish to make some changes on my blog ..it needs some change & to be updated with more things & app.
- i stopped typing along time ago which is really ....bad...i'm hardly remember things
it seem my mind in a mess ..i can't think well either ..
i did bad in the last exams ...& i'm totally worried after todays dream ...about results !!!!
OMG !! it made me sick ...1st time from along time to be worried like that ..my stomach isn't right
:\
so let's think ...today ..i've been a week of holiday ...what have i done ba2a !!!
the answer is nothing ...i hate myself ..for not knowing what i do ..
i hate me when i waste time
that's why i hate the holidays of the end of the year and the mid year holiday ..i hate both ..
as long as i find it somehow hard to do what i want to do ..
i don't play on computer as i really want
i don't watch Tv much !!
i don't do much works on home
i don't spend much time to be on FB ..and i don't talk to anybody ..
my only excuse is that i'm busy ..
what the hell i'm busy with !!!!!!!! ...
i really sick of myself ..sleeping late ...waking up late
don't do anything that it really good !!! ...
where is my ideas ..!!! i really hate this ...
this is the life as a civil engineering student ..it made me hate free time ..i'm used to work ..i can even be bright & invent new things new idea ..only when fel derasa !!!!!..
i found out that i can't be half busy ...i must be sooooo busy to work :| ...hahahhahaha ,,
seem to be crazy ..
any way ..this is my performance curve ... i'm worried

bad performance curve :( ....hydraulics - geodesy -structure analysis- material -soil mech,& foundations , reinforced concrete !!
i really have a good intentions to be better & good the next term ,,i swear :\
all i can say ,..i've been having the worst term ever..it contained 3 of the most subjects i hate ..i was kinda lost...
i didn't study well ...i was hardly solving sheets ...i was stuck the whole time ..
i was suffering some how ... i will do my best... i already blaming myself for that ..i do :(
yaaaaaaa raaaaaaaaab ...

this is shouldn't be like that..i'm kinda !!! lost...somewhere i don't know where !!!!?!!!!
i just wanna wake up ...do the things i wanna do ...things i promiised others to do ..
i've been cleaning my room over the last 5 days...it's like on rounds , round one
remove clothes from everywhere
round 2 ..
remove 1st term papers
!!!

this is the papers ..it was like 10+ kg ... this b4 i left it ...el shonat 2et2t3et !!!!
i must bring some of them again for this term as well.......


i became the worst version of me ..that's i really hate ..
i wanna be better ...just to be better ..and stop thinking ..and start doing things ..
so i'll shut up ..be silent and work ..work work .work ..!!
fight fight fight fight fight fight fight ...it's 11 days left for this holidays ..and i've done nothing ..so i must start now b4 being more late ...
books..some hand works , u tube channel , teaching crochet ,writing the book !!..
i believe everything will be more than okay :)..

العودة الى المواعين اللعينة اااااااااااخ !!؟

right now i'm feeling sooooo cold...it took me 2 hours to finish washing dishes ...
it was like en el maw3eem mest2sadany :@... the 1st after a month not washing dishes
my bones wag3any hahahhahahhahaha ...
the worst thing i washed ..18 cup , 16 plate , too many knifes &spoons , 9 3'ata 7elel , 4 7elal stainless steel  w  7ala sag (صاج ) , 
  5 7elal aluminum :( ...w 1 senya beta3et makrona bel bashmel ...& 5 atbaq plastic ..
w 7 sawany ...
bas begd ana makontsh medai2a ..aw momken neset ba2a hahhhahahahahha...
3ala kda ana kinda super eny 2a5ls dol fe 2 hours ..ma3 enny 2abl kda ba3mel kemya 2a2l bs  nafs el 2 hours ...
kefaya bas el 7elal el almonia bgd  mot3eba ..
this was ta2reban maw3een mn youm el talaat elly faat ..
bs ana a5dt el agaza w 7an el wa2t enny azbt gadwl el maw3een el gedeed hahahhahahah
shahr mn 3'eer edeey 2thr gamed..
ana msh ba7b w msh 3aiza mama tet3b w te3ml el maw3een ...w br3'm enha da5lt el matb5 2wice w 2altly seebehom wana hakml bokra..
ana msh ba7eb aseeb el 7ood 3ali maw3een ..da 3'ir tab3n enny msh haseebhom 3alshan mama mat3mlhomsh ..w rabena ye2weeny w a3mel el gadwal w azbt 2i5waty ..* nazra shereera*
br3'm en dra3aty wag3any ella 7ad ma ..w edey metlga hahhahaha...bs wana ba3'sl ma7stsh w sa23a 5ales :)...
fel nehaya ..ana bakrh 3'aseel el mawa3een ...ba7b a3'sl 7elal , tob2an , w bakrh el kopiat w el ma3ale2 w 3'otiaan el 7elal ..:D..hahahhahahah...

1 exam left :D

Alhamdulilaah ...1 exam left :)...after 2 months and 13 exam w 2 of them was 2*1 ..like 15 exam
and 1 left & i'm going to be on holidays ...

well what i want to say is i'm going to be so bored when i finish //as i was sooo busy for the last 2 months ...which mean sudden * have nothing to do * ..is bad
along time ago and i stopped enjoying holidays !!!!..

i really wish to enjoy it the way i used b4 ....and i hope i'm not thinking that way ..!! ..
anyway exam was good *yesterday* ..in shaa Allah 5eer :)

هههههههههههههههههههه

يانهاااااارى على برووووودى انا زهقت منى .. وادى غلطة اللى قومنى من على السرير والمذاكرة ههههههههههه
بقعد فى اى مكان بللزق
استغفر الله العظيم يارب

i'm stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk :\

my exam is tomorrow and i just finished 1 chapeter of 6 !!!!!!!!!
i hate mysellllllffffffffff :@:@:@...why i'm not studying and i just keep on wasting time ..
yesterday i wasted time on typing the book i'm writing ...
i'm sick of getting stuck like that ..still this is one of the worst subjects i have ..and still wasting time ..without even finishing it ..!!!!!!!!!
ya raaaaaaaab sahel ya raaaaaaab :)...

my 1st book :)

i want to continue writting my book ..which i started to write it 29-12 -2011
this was an idea since september..in the end i made my decision to write
it's  small one ..i think about making abook of stories...
just when i finish it everything will be better :)

i just ....

i just want exams to end ...really ,,
this holiday will be busy for me..i'll do much  ....
like always there is things on my thoughts ...
+ what i  must do for my sis. to prepare for the wedding..

i just have 2 more exams ...saturday& tuesday ...
i wanna get the gifts ffor my friends ...and finish wt i started to make them happy ^_^ ..

feeling busy & stuck ...it strange ..but i admitt it
i Love being busyyyyy ...it's the only way i won't have bad thoughts or being sad or depressed or anything...
i just wanna be busy ..
i will not think what or how i'll be feeling after my sis wedding ..i will just focus in the moment we are in now...
just 57 days left ...!!!
days are moving fast :|

A Dress!!

i just feeling strange of getting my new & first dress to have in my whole life :D...
i just hope it'll b okay & Good  looking...
i just wish it'll be just the way i just imagined ..
even if close to the way i imagined it ..it'll be okay ..i'll be happy with that..
all i care is that it fits & i like it ...that's enough :)
like i said the 1st dress i'll ever wear in a place or in event will be on my sister wedding ^_^

it's just 58 days left ..!! & 2 exams left...& tooooooo many things on my head :)..
i don't know if i gain weight or not !!!!...winter do worse !!!
i must focus :| ...

Things We Forget: #787

Things We Forget: #787: myer road, singapore

my new decisions :)

well as my sister who is sooo close to me ..she is getting married after 2 months .
all i think about is how i'd be feeling ..how lonely i'll feel ..and i maybe be very depressed :(..
it's not that only...she is not going to live in Egypt ..this is another thing...
she always leave me behind her..like this year ..i'm kinda alone in college with no family member with me ... but somehow i get over that but not totally :|...anyway
i must have thought of something so i can help myself .. not to be sad ...not to over thinking about how my life will be ...i know it's going to be different...but i must not let myself to have a lot of free time ...coz thinking is killing me ,:(..
anyway ..i've made up my mind
i'm deeply wanna do this things ..
- start my job as a journalist :)
- join el * Gym* ..to keep myself fit...and to fill time ..:\
-take the swimming course :)
- play Tennis <3
-go for training in companies * something for college*
-write a book..which i already started writing it :)..
-finally ...
i'll make my own youtube channel :)..this is the newest idea on my head ..if at least i do one thing or 2 of those ..i'll be soooooo glad :D ...i just don't want to feel bad feelings ..or to think bad thoughts...i wanna enjoy & do good things for others ..
i really wish every good thing for others ..i wish everyone be happy ..and never be sad :)

msgs for every one...Come on everyone to check ur msg :D

i'll go in alphabet ..and many people i won't reveal their name .. it's all anonymous msgs :D..
things i wanted to say & i couldn't or i've been misunderstood 
# Anonymous A : 
i just wanna say ..thanks...there is no promises ..u r welcome any time :)
#B :
so different than the way you looked !!
#C :
my best friend since school ..miss u <3 ..wish u the best..i'm praying for u :)

#D :
i don't respect u :\
#E:
keep the way u are .. u can do something emy^_^
#F :
wish u to help my friend really .!!
#G:
you are not the way u think u are
#H:
miss u ..i'll call u soon :)..forgive me for not asking for along time :)

#i :
idiot
#j :
miss u ..& we will meet soon Rasha <3

#k:
i don't like you
#L :
thanks .. u brought happiness to our home :)


#mm:
it was nothing ..
#N:
wish u the best & praying for u :)
#O :
#p:

#q :
i don't like you ..:\
 #R:
miss u ranaaaa ...wana meet u soon :)

#s:
respected
#T:
really i discovered something strange..after i thought we have the same thoughts.it's obvious we don't..don't know wt to say manar !! 
#u :
welcome in my world :)
#v:
welcome little friend:)
#W:
think well b4 u act ..praying for u to be better :)
#X:
take it easy 
#Y:
i love u both :)..wish u the best ever ..:D..u really helped me much :)

#z:
who the hell do u think urself ?

#112 :
you are not the way i think you are :\
#15 : 
i'm glad to know a person with such thinking ..really missing ur opinions :)
#168:
Do you Remember ?!




To Be Continue ..........

رسالة لكل الاشخاص اللى مروا بحياتى فى عام 2011

كالعادة احب ان اكتب هذه الرسالة لابعث بها لكل الاشخاص الذين قابلتهم او عرفتهم .او اثروا فى او لم يؤثروا ..
اتمنى الا اكون نسيت احدا
* فى العام الماضى لم تسنح لى الفرصة لكتابة هذه الرسالة واجلتها طوال العام للانشغال اولا بالامتحانات كالعادة لا اشعر ببداية اى عام
ثم انقطاع النت ..ثم الترم الدراسى حتى بعد انتهاء الترم الدراسى اصابتى حالة من الاكتئاب !!* ..
افضل شئ اننى لا انسى اشخاص تعاملت معهم سواء كيبورديا او وجها لوجه ^_^ ..
اولا الحمدلله على كل شئ ..
ثانيا :شكر ..شكرا لكل من ساعدنى لتخطى اى ازمة او اى حالة اكتئابية مررت بيها خاصة فى النصف الثانى من العام الماضى
لااعلم ماذا اصابنى .. ولكن شكرا لكل من ساندنى ووقف بجانبى نفس الفترة من كل عام اصاب بحالة غريبة
قد تكون بسبب الاحساس اننى لاانجز شيئا ابدا !!..
2011 تعلمت الكثير والكثير
اشعر اننى اصبحت اكبر سنا
شكرا لمن تسبب فى سعادتى او ابتسامتى ولكل من اضحكنى فعلا حتى ان عرفوا وان لم يعرفوا ..
وان سنحت لى الفرصة او لم تسنح فانى اقولها :) ..
سأبدأ بالرسائل للاشخاص وبعد ذلك اتحدث عن الاحداث :)..

my 1st flower by puff stitch :)

i made a flower by the ordinary stitch b4 ...but this is the 1st time to try the puff ..
and i really Love the magic circle ..^_^ <3.. it make the finishing is soo easy :)

i'm connected to .....!!!

somehow ..many times i just feel everyone can be connected to other half ...really i believe this !!
maybe the most closest person to u ..u r connected to them by soul ..like to feel whatever they are thinking about...when they want to tell u something ..u just knew it without saying it...this comes like sudden feelings ...or msgs in head...sometimes in dreams !!!!!
when u want to talk  to them they call u ...!! ..this really amazing...my old friends ..we are separated since i enter this college ...that;s why i feel somehow we are n't connected like we used to be ,,
now i'm connected more to my group of friends ..feels the same,,think of the same ..nd many other things...
now i'm talking about ..that we can be really connected to the one we are fated to be with ..yes ..i think we can !!
but keep wondring wether this half wherever he is ...is he okay ..?? what''s he doing right now ??
does he facing problems..??
that stranger which isn't really stranger ..!!..maybe we haven't met..and i don't even know u or saw u ...
but i believe there is someone somewhere is for me ..is my soulmate..
when we met soon ...i've many things to tell u about..
i feel like when we met ..we will find out that we were similar ..
kinda ..knowing manythings about each other ..without even being a part of my life b4 u really appear
i dreamt of u twice without seeing ur face !! ..we never talked ..but once on phone ..!!
maybe i can't recognize ur voice ..but i believe u'll know me when u saw me ...u'll know that this is me ...this is the one :)..yeah u'll ..& the best thing i'll make u read this post..:)
u'll come to me ..and tell me ..that this is u :)..
so i'll be waiting for ur coming...i won't be so surprised  !! ..don't worry ..i won't make u feel bad..
face ur fears ...even if i knew u ...* i don't really know i'm saying if *..i won't come to u ..i won't say somethings .. u r the one must do this ..i'll just keep praying till u know :) Don't worry i 'll that's u when u come :)
i know u r here some where sooo close... that i can feel u more than ever...<3
i pray for u daily...from the deeep of my heart..
till we meet ..when u come.. it's always been only you no one else <3

1st Heart made by crochet.. i made it :)

a great experience ^_^

my new crochet projects

to make
- 2 slippers
-arm warmer
-Hoddie
-Scoodie

still wanna learn more stitches :D

2011-----> 2012

اكتر حاجة عايزة اقولها ل 2011 ..مع انها كلمتين بايتيين اويييي .. بس يلا بقى
عديتى مش عارفة بسرعة ولا ببطء .. بس احب اشكرك ..لان اتغير فيا حاجات كتيير السنة دى .. وشكرا كبير ليكى كمان .. لان خلالك * ودى اكتر سنة* .. اكتشفت وعرفت ناس كتيير ..كتيير سقطوا من نظرى الى اللا عودة .. وناس كتيير اثبتوا ليا انهم غير شخصياتهم اللى كنت اعتقدها ..اكتشفت ان بعض الاشخاص حكمت بالخطأ عليهم ..بعتذر لهم ... والاحسن الناس اللى عرفتهم ..والحاجات اللى اكتشفتها واللى اتعلمتها .. بعيدا عن مراحل الكئابة اللى العادية بتاعت كل سنة ..
شهدت فيكى احسن احسااس عشته واتمنى احسه تانى .. فى اول العام بعد الثورة ولكنه قتل بدخول الترم الدراسى * خطة بقى * بدأ القلق يتسلل من ساعتها ومش عارفة اوقفه !!!
برغم ان حصل فيكى احداااث محدش كان يتمنى يشوفها .. فى النهاية
احب اقول المجد للشهداء .. وحقكوا مش هيضيع .. وربنا هو اللى حامينا وحافظنا :)..

 

2012 احب اقولك ..
لاشئ .. مش هعرف احكم عليكى بحاجة او اقول حاجة الا لما اشوف الاول اللى هتعمليه
على العموم عندى احلام واهداف كتير ..اتمنى حتى لو اعمل واوصل لنصفهم

:)

اخيرااااااااا الميدترمات خلصت ... بس الفاينل بدأ !!!!!؟

will i can't express how i feel right now...totally can't say ..coz i don't really know
like always i miss the 1st days of the yeaaaaar :)..always miss them coz of exams ^^
that's really a good thing :)..
there are many things i wanted to say for 2011 ...
i think this is the time ...
my finals is on thursday ...Rabena YesaHel :D..