so what ..??

1st ...i got 63.67% on my result over this year...well i consider it one of my worst ones :)....
but still i'm happy with it ...coz at least i don't have to go on exam for any subject of them ?!!!

well it's been long time since i wrote something ...yeah ...
in the past i used to love being alone ..have my own area ..and this stuff...
but i find out lately ...i was just wasting time not being around the people i really care for ..the people i love....i hate loneliness ...that's why i'm kinda leaving the place ...it's boring to be alone ... i'm kinda giving up things i used to love in the past...something strange ...is that i'm growing up or ..i just getting into some black mood*sadness*
whatever ...i've always loved talking & talking ...the last few years i become silent ...but in the last few weeks i've changed ...i more aaround people ....i talk & talk & talk ...argue ..discuss ...kinda enjoying this ....i really like to meet new people ..talk to new minds ...talking talking..discussing matters ....i really like when someone really open with me talking ...even if i don't know them ,,
i might look like a rude person ...but i'm not...that what computer shows :))...but i be very happy ..and laughing too ...but i might not type it hahahhaha ...all in my mind is  just to keep limits & never cross them ....that's why i seem a little serious ...well it's not alittle but it's tooo much i know ....but i can't help it ...it's from the real truth that i'm not a nice person ...but i'm trying to do my best ...to be better ....
so for anyone i've been rude to...plz Forgive me ..i never meant any bad things
... i'm not against talking or discussing whatever ...but i'm just against crossing limits...
hope there is no misunderstanding ...

النتيجة

النتيجة قربت تباااااان ربنا يستر ... ان شااااااء الله خيييييييير ..
انا مؤمنة بكده ..:)...

i'm sick :((((((((((((((((((

لا اعرف مالذى اصابنى ولكن الملل والاكتئاب يحاول ان يتملكنى ...بلا سبب ..
باسوأ الاسلحة ...لدرجة اننى لم اعد قادرة ع جعل نفسى اكثر سعادة ...
احاول ولكن الافكار السيئة تستمر فى عقلى ...لم اعد استطيع النوم
الحل الوحيد الذى يبعدنى عن الشعور السئ هو ان افعل شئ او احادث شخص ما
او انشغل بفعل شئ ما
ولكن لست كل الاوقات هكذا ..:((
حتى هواياتى لم اعد افعل اى شئ منها ..:((
هل هو ارتفاع درجات الحرارة ...
اام ماذا ..احتاج الى ان احادث شخصا ما يناقشنى ..نتحدث ..
اصبحت اكره الانترنت ... لاننى اذا ذهب منى هذا الشعور وتغلبت عليه ..
كلما اجلس ع الكمبيوتر ...لا استطيع الجلوس .. اكرهه ..
لا اتحمل الجلوس كثيرا امامه ..لاننى فى ثوانى اعود لنفس الحالة ..

اشعر بان قلبى يؤلمنى ولكن لا اعرف لماذا ؟؟؟
اريد احد ان يقول لى شيئا ماااااا ..


اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب البك
اللهم انى استغفرك واتوب اليك

my next post...

it'll have the title of .....
المفاهيم الخاطئة التى سببتها لنا اننا نتبع بلا فهم ولا اعمال العقل

you've got mail ..:)

this movie ...i can say ...it's one of my Favourite the whole time ...
that no matter how many times i watch it ...i like it ..& i watch it over & over again...
Kathlin kely  & Jo Fox.... it's a good movie...
shows important thing...people when they see us on reality they might get wrong thought about us ...but if they know the real you ..then it'll be obvious that u should never judge someone without knowing them very well :) ...

i liked it when he knew her ...and he tried to be her friend ...sooooo nice...^_^

التجديد وصللللل ^_^

هذه اخر التعديلات التى وصلت اليها حاليا ..
الامر مرهق لتظبيط كل شئ ..
مقبول حتى الان ..
التعديل القادم ع العيد بقى ..
معبره جدا الخلفية ..
Flying flying high in the sky ..the sky of my head..^_^

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ..!!

note to myself#15 : shhhhhhh shut up for a moment u r such annoying person ...
go sleep or finish the book u started ,,,

in fact....Life......... thiis what i wanted to say :-\

seriously i forgot what i was really going to say .....but the most important that what life do to us ...
complication in everything...a day passed & you've wasted all...
sometimes things are completely can't be understood...feeling confused about what is right & what is wrong ....excuse me people ...do u even know the difference ??!!!??
i know sometimes it seem very hard & harder than what we can ever think...
can't sleep well ..things come & go ...many ideas ..head is working 24\7 ....we never rest
of the daily journey of life...
is there is a thing in this life really deserve !!!!!...
yes yes ...sometimes we are just feeling down ....need a lift...need something to inspire us ...something to make u believe in whatever you do ....something encouraging...something  give us the chance to be the best of our selves....most days that what we need ...we need Faith..& to believe....and the high spirit ...& a white heart...then this how we'll live happily no matter what...
but the problem ....as people always make things difficult & complicated.... we must suffer..
is there is someone here in your life ready to Give u a lift everyday ..just to make u feel better ...& to continue your Journey of this life....i believe everyone has another half ...so that this journey will be more interesting ....because we aren't going to live in the same way forever...need change,,
better than getting bored of this life and ur daily routine  ...i confess that i'm really sometimes very boring ....just feel don;t wanna talk ...sometimes i become  rude.....this just happen ..even if i was defending something i believe in ...or i was in a bad mood...or whatever ...people will never understand the reason of doing this ...it'll be the same judgment n matter what is the reason is ...!!?? that's people ...that's life...
I SAY that No Matter What Never judge a person just over one situation or 2 or whatever...
never say something about someone u haven't known...!!...u have to live with them...and watch most of the events that can happpen in life with them.....
in the end no one will ever understand u 100%...there is always a misunderstanding ..that's why people fight & have problems ...can't we just live simple !!!!!!!!
seriously ...i hate judging based on  shallow things....come on people ...looks never matter...the most important is the souuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul ...any simple change & growing up looks will change...soul never..pure & white soul never changes...:-|
stupidity ...we all have the moment of stupidity ..sometimes it be something crazy & we  like it ...sometimes we hate ourselves & wish if we weren't here ...the most difficult part is
to get judged over such stupidity situations ...!!!...then if i'm unlucky person ..then there may be one person have seen this whole stupidity actions ...OMG...i wish i was never there ..
the art of watching someone in every second their moves their actions...where they go & what  they do ..actually tiring ... some people like it ...some don't.....
well in the end 2011 till now...is good...really i knew many things..somehow my life can't stop getting into a drama...all actions in it is just a drama ...that's is like a movie which i'm not sure if i watched it or not....thanks 2011 i've known a hidden parts in my personality ...and even some weakness....we all have that ...don't we!?
better than explaining ..the year started with the most important action and i like it very much ..i wished to join but i wasn't allowed to get out of home ..& my father was out cairo ...but i enjoyed it a lot...since then my emotions and i think i've changed a lot...i'm not that girl who was just smile so that no one asks her what's wrong..i'm not that girl who was deeply sad...nearly wishing to die.. much sadness inside & deep her heart...she wasn't believe in any change can happen ..with those people...since she heard about Tunis she felt good ..maybe some fears...but i believe that tomorrow is better than today ... more than 100% believe...it started i was in exams ...btw the only subject i got a good mark at ..was the subject after 25th jan. i was angry the whole time ...but i changed more...i even try to search for sadness inside my heart but i can't find it * Alhamdulilah *...هذا من فضل ربى
yeah that it ...i'm happy because i'm happy..:)...yeah that was the smallest term ever but the most work was done on it ....i was horribly busy..^_^..now i miss this days...
well i seem very strong person...but i'm not ...but this is only the way that u can hide the fears ...& to protect strong...it's tiring to keep acting strong the whole time....sometimes need a break !!..
sometimes to cry ...i think this is better solution espcially after just keep piling up all what annoyed u , hurt u ..then after crying ..it's a gr8 feeling ..or even scream ...it's good too.:)
i'm very good the best type to hide my emotions ...sometimes it's good sometimes not...
we aren't perfect...as long we are a live we keep learning ..from friends..people we just met..people we don't know... people we just heard them talking ...but we learn a new thing every single second of our life ...we do ..the most important is to figure out what u learn .^_^
* u never know how strong u are ..until being strong is the only choice u have *
2011 ...1st time to live  more than a week . without mom & dad ..they traveled with my elder sister....it just me and rest of my brothers & sisters....it was hard...being  alone and u've to do the whole thing ...it's tiring...
in the last month of my life...i learn something about how the choice of a person that u'll live with is soooo important ...yeah ..it's not that easy....this is the hardest decision u can ever made in ur life...not just for men ..also for Girls...
there are dreams...many many many things is needed ..not
materialistic... it's more...
it will take time talking about it...but all i knew... there is somethings in my hope my dreams ..my imaginations ...i can't just leave them ...well i have no intentions to work or even to be a famous person ....it's a very simple thing ..that people may say about it stupid ...well i don't care ..but this really what make me happy ...this little stupid things i call my dreams & imaginations...*it's all a personality thing*
in the end it's already written who  we  are going to be with ..^_^...but still we can wish a few details about personality ...some how is to fit urs by acceptable percentage...
i'm tired ....i wanna sleep * yawn*...
this whole talks is nonsense ...the most suitable comment over what i wrote..is
* what the hell are u talking a bout !!!!!!!!!!!!!???????? *...
i've gone Crazy ^_^ ..!!!..
empty my mind for tomorrow... mixed thoughts mixed feelings.....be better
Tomorrow will always be better than today & yesterday =D

ohhhh my head !!?

i'm not feeling good ....i can't think well...i can't even Read abook...i can't understand the pain in my head ...i slept and it didn't even work...it's really make me feel tired ...
i can't even think of something ...i'll just ruin everything ...Please my head ...come back to ur normal ...i hate this ...and i want u to be okay ...i'm sorry if i was careless and made u that way....but i'll do everything better ffrom now on ...
i became stupid ...and stupid me ..doing stupid things without thinking b4 doing it ....
the most thing i hate ...is that many people now are upset with me ....i hate this ...sorry people my mind isn't in a good state this days,,,i'm feeeling baaad ....deeply sad ....i can't even understand my self any more ....
so for any one i made them angry or sad...i'm sorry ..forgive me please...
in the end we aren't sure to live till tomorrow ...
i'm feeling really really bad ...the worst ever...

First Time

i like this song & it's my mood for now & the whole day :)

i like it also ..because i wanted to learn Piano :)..

another video <3

http://youtu.be/DGdZDnSKUc4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGdZDnSKUc4&feature=related

4th july ...the Big busy day on my life :D

well no matter how tired i was during the whole day ...but i didn't feel bad or annoyed ..
-starting my day ..by making breakfast for my brother & my sister..
-doing some laundry :)..
- feed my birds..^_^
-staying on kitchen ^_^...i entered the kitchen and didn't left it till along time
-سلقت اللحمة
-  * بحب الارقام والحروف *عملت شوربة
-عملت بسلة بالجزر بالدمعة
then i finished at 4...then i gone to read a book...after i finished it
i went back to kitchen ,,to complete my work...* i think if they weren't fasting today ..they weren't going to eat hahahahah*..
then i
- cooked the rice ..
- fried some potates
.then i went up staires
to feed my birds again ..
then at last i'm having a free time on 6:30 ,,,i spend it on reading a book ....
then  it was el maghreb prayer ...time to eat...
seriously ...i didn't felt anything ....but as today it was my first time to make meat ^_^...but the rest i've done it alot b4 ^_^..
in the End it tasted awesome ^_^ ..and i keep typing this on my little note ..
for my mother advices ^_^
nice & good :D

it's amazing !!

i've finished reading a book on 1:03:36 ...it was 116 page...well if i said that my speed is to read a100 page on 1 hour ...then that will be good...i can read more & enjoy more,,,
currently i'm reading .................... it's a secret ...i'll tell when i finish it ...hope to finish it on tomorrow ..and there is more than 15 book on my list .i mean on my desk ..i wanna read them so i can change their place ...because my desk have a lot of books on it ^_^...

oooooooooooooooooooooh really there are many things i wish to do ..:)...it seem i started to work very well
now i need to sleep early & wake up early ...^_^...

the memory of 5th july 2010

كل ما اتذكره عن هذا اليوم من عام تقريبا ..
استيقظت مبكرا كالعادة ..لم اكمل اسبوعا على انتهاء امتحانات نهاية العام الدراسى
وكنت قد بدأت التدريب الصيفى البارحة فقط ..
يوم واحد جعلنى اشعر بضيق وعدم راحة ..
يمكن لان المشوار والمكان كان بعيد تماما ..
ولانى كنت متعبة لم اكن اريد الذهاب ..
اريد احد ان يقول لى لا تذهبىىىىى
لماذا لا يقول لى احد اى شئ
اعرف هذا الاحساس عندما لا يكون لى رغبة بشئ
افعل الشئ ببطء شديييد
نعم لا يوجد دافع يحركنى ..
احساس رخم
* اصبح مملة فى بعض الاوقات اعنى معظم الاوقات*
اتحرك ببطء من هنا لهنا لارتدى ملابسى
اذا بفجأة ............
لقد شعرت بوخزة فى قدمى
كأن شئ حاد دخل بها
كل هذا حدث فى اقل من ثانية ..
لاننى لم انتبه للوخزة واستمريت حتى وضعت قدمى ع الارض
اثناء وضعى لقدمى ع الارض ..شعرت بالاختراق هذا الشئ ذات السن
كنت خائفة ان انظر الى اسفل قدمى اخاف من الصدمة ..
تسألت هل الامر مخيف ؟؟!!؟؟
هل لن استطيع اخراج هذا الشئ من قدمى؟؟
وكعادة اى انسان كثير التساؤل استبقت الاحداث كثيرا
قطعت هذه التساؤلات
لم اتحرك
جلست ع الارض فى نفس مكانى
ونظرت ....
اذا به دبوس ابرة *اللى بيتثبت به الايشارب* فى قدمى .. واكثر من نصفه بقليل داخل قدمى
قلقت ..لم افكر فى ماذا افعل ..
هل اصرخ واطلب المساعدة من احد؟؟
ام ان اساعد نفسى بدون ان يعرف احد!!!
الساعة قد اصبحت ال7 والنصف
نظرا لفكرى انا لا احب ان اطلب مساعدة احد
ولا اريد ان يوبخنى احد
لذلك قلت سأساعد نفسى ..
ولن اهتم بما يحدث
فهذا لن يقتلنى
ففكرت ان اسحب الدبوس برفق حتى يخرج ...
* كل هذا حدث فى 5 دقايق ولم يلحظنى احد حتى اختى كانت بجانبى ترتدى ملابسها تخرج الى العمل *
كنت اشعر انى فى عالم وحدى
كل تفكيرى هو
كيف اخرج هذا الدبوس اللعين !!
سحبت برفق ...ظللت اسحب
لماذا لا ينتهى هذا الدبوس!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!؟؟
استغفر الله العظيم
اشعر وكأنى فى مهمة مستحيلة ^_^
عندما وجدت انى اسحب واسحب ولكن الدبوس لا ينتهى ..
فقررت ان اسحبه مرة واحدة كى لا اشعر بالالم ..وانتهى من هذا الحدث الذى لا يساعدنى ع الاطلاق فى اى شئ
بل سيجعل من مهمتى فى الايام القادمة اصعب
سحبته مرة واحدة ....
فاذا بمنظر لم اره فى حياتى من قبل
اخر جزء خرج من قدمى انطلقت وراؤه نافورة من الدم لحظيا وتوقفت ..
نظرت الى قدمى يوجد خط متتواصل من الدم ..
لا ادرى ماذا افعل
الان لا يمكن اخفاء هذه الجريمة ^_^...
فقمت وانا رافعة قدمى ..اتقدم للامام خطوة وارجع للخلف خطوة
واذا بى اترك دم خلفى فى كل مكان ..
لا انكر انى شعرت بالالم
فكلتا اختاى رأتا ما حدث .. فجلبت القطن والمطهر سريعا ..وسألنونى ما حدث
على الرغم ان هذا الامر لم يستغرق الا دقائق قليلة ..
الا انه مر بى كساعة ..
غريب بعد الشئ...
ولكن اعتبرتها حجة لافلت من الذهاب الى التدريب ..
لكنهم قالوا لى ..بلاش دلع والبسى عشان تخرجى..
نعم  فى النهاية كان مؤلما لكن ليس الما كبيرا بهذا القدر الذى اوضحته
احيانا شعرت بعدم القدرة ع الضغط ع قدمى ..
ولكنى تحركت وخرجت وذهبت الى التدريب
لم يكن من الممكن ان اتجنب هذا اليوم والا اذهبه بجمبع الاحوال ..
لان يوجد غياب ويجب ان اكون حاضرة ..بالاضافة لانى اعلم انى لن اذهب نهاية الاسبوع
للتدريب لانى كنت ذاهبة لقضاء العطلة الصيفية 3 ايام فى بورسعيد
* الذى اعتبرها من اسوأ العطلات التى قضيتها *
اعلم انه ليس بالشئ الجميل الذى نتذكره
اتذكره فقط لانه من الاحداث النادرة التى حدثت لى ..
تجربة غريبة ..
فى النهاية لم تساعدنى ^_^ هههههههههههه ...

That Dream :)

when i remembered earlier that day.. maybe i was tired & sick ...but that Dream came to me when i slept made me happy somehow & i didn't feel the pain...maybe it just a dream & will never come true .. but at least it made me happy and Feel better ...thank u my dream ..:')

today ..:)

today ..i got my 1st kingston USB .4GB..and it's just mineeeeeeee minee...so it's the 1st time to have my own ....i'm happy :)... it's strange why i haven't thought about having one before !!!!!?
i really like this ^_^