what to say ?!!

1st ..i'm feeling cold right now ..don't know why ..but it seem because of the weather :P..
many things on my mind...i was going to write many posts ..but i forget it the moment i opened this blog !!!
it seem i'm back to old days when i forget what i wanna write !!!
- i really wish to make some changes on my blog ..it needs some change & to be updated with more things & app.
- i stopped typing along time ago which is really ....bad...i'm hardly remember things
it seem my mind in a mess ..i can't think well either ..
i did bad in the last exams ...& i'm totally worried after todays dream ...about results !!!!
OMG !! it made me sick ...1st time from along time to be worried like that ..my stomach isn't right
:\
so let's think ...today ..i've been a week of holiday ...what have i done ba2a !!!
the answer is nothing ...i hate myself ..for not knowing what i do ..
i hate me when i waste time
that's why i hate the holidays of the end of the year and the mid year holiday ..i hate both ..
as long as i find it somehow hard to do what i want to do ..
i don't play on computer as i really want
i don't watch Tv much !!
i don't do much works on home
i don't spend much time to be on FB ..and i don't talk to anybody ..
my only excuse is that i'm busy ..
what the hell i'm busy with !!!!!!!! ...
i really sick of myself ..sleeping late ...waking up late
don't do anything that it really good !!! ...
where is my ideas ..!!! i really hate this ...
this is the life as a civil engineering student ..it made me hate free time ..i'm used to work ..i can even be bright & invent new things new idea ..only when fel derasa !!!!!..
i found out that i can't be half busy ...i must be sooooo busy to work :| ...hahahhahaha ,,
seem to be crazy ..
any way ..this is my performance curve ... i'm worried

bad performance curve :( ....hydraulics - geodesy -structure analysis- material -soil mech,& foundations , reinforced concrete !!
i really have a good intentions to be better & good the next term ,,i swear :\
all i can say ,..i've been having the worst term ever..it contained 3 of the most subjects i hate ..i was kinda lost...
i didn't study well ...i was hardly solving sheets ...i was stuck the whole time ..
i was suffering some how ... i will do my best... i already blaming myself for that ..i do :(
yaaaaaaa raaaaaaaaab ...

this is shouldn't be like that..i'm kinda !!! lost...somewhere i don't know where !!!!?!!!!
i just wanna wake up ...do the things i wanna do ...things i promiised others to do ..
i've been cleaning my room over the last 5 days...it's like on rounds , round one
remove clothes from everywhere
round 2 ..
remove 1st term papers
!!!

this is the papers ..it was like 10+ kg ... this b4 i left it ...el shonat 2et2t3et !!!!
i must bring some of them again for this term as well.......


i became the worst version of me ..that's i really hate ..
i wanna be better ...just to be better ..and stop thinking ..and start doing things ..
so i'll shut up ..be silent and work ..work work .work ..!!
fight fight fight fight fight fight fight ...it's 11 days left for this holidays ..and i've done nothing ..so i must start now b4 being more late ...
books..some hand works , u tube channel , teaching crochet ,writing the book !!..
i believe everything will be more than okay :)..