bored

everything is just boring
i'm not excited about anything anymore ..
i just get disappointed the whole time ..
it's tiring ...really
i need a lift ..i need to be my active self again ..
i need to be encouraged and pushed to do all the things i want to do
 i need to make changes more & more ...
i need to feel moving power ..i'm powerless..don't feel like want to anything -_-

2014#

فى هذا العام ارغب فى ان :
-----------------------------------------
- انا اقرأ كتاب كل اسبوع(52 اسبوع)
- ان اختم القرأن مرة كل شهر*12شهر*
- ألعب رياضة يوميا
-الاعتناء بنفسى كليا يوميا واسبوعيا وشهريا على حسب
- ابطل اضيع وقت فى كلام فاضى
- المزيد من النظام وتنظيم الوقت
- النوم بدرى والاستيقاظ بدرى
- التخلى عن الحياة الافتراضية والانطلاق والاندماج ف الواقع اكثر
- التركيز على تحسين النفس والشخصية اكثر لاكون اقرب لتحقيق احلامى

اممم هذا حتى الان وقابل للزياده كل يوم دا غير ان كل نقطة ليها تفاصيل بداخلها ^^
ربنا يقدرنى انى اعمل الحاجات دى واواظب عليها ان شاء الله ^^

2014 new year

from now on i'll just focus on creating myself ..me ..my future far away from the annoying & angry me all the time because of marring stuff & matters *
i'll will just live ignoring this part ..so i can see what i'm going to do with myself
anyway 2014 was good so far ..i was mature enough to follow my promises & thoughts
about changing myself ..
i'm improving myself each day ..even if it's in small steps ..it's better than staying in the same place :)
the most important thing to get trained to  keep silent and shut up no matter how people irritate me or annoy me or push me or when i feel too much pressure  ..i can control myself well
under many situations ..and this is a good change ..:)
and many more ..
eveyday i got ideas for this new year to do ..:)
so i'll type all the things i want to do this year .the new things and the old things i wanted to do in the last few years and i failed ..anyway i'm not giving up ^^
wish i can be a better person and a good one  who can do a lot of good things ^^
this is what i really want now^^ 

offcially Engaged :\

Last Monday , 13 jan,2014 ..it was my engagement small party , a family party ,,the 1st time to get engaged in my life
well don't know what to say ..
but girls usually are happy getting engaged and married ..they get  happy with this stuff
i don't feel the same ..i'm just worried the whole day & everyday ..to the extent i can't be happy
the idea of getting married to someone u just know ..is very hard to accept by ur heart or ur mind ..but it's a society matter >.<
i'm very exausted ..specailly my soul from overthinking day & night
can't stop thinking ..time goes by soo slowly ..feel like i'm stuck
i want to scream out loud ..but no way to do this ..
everytime i talk or say something ..no one understands the things inside my head ..
they don't believe my words ..my dreams ..everything i say ..for the other is ..i'm just trying to runaway from all this ...and it's not that way ..i just want to figure everything as soon as possible and see what to do ..for not wasting time -_-
so i decided to shut up and go with the flow ..is that makes everyone happy ?
i will go on as u all want ...for me there is no more wishes to wish or to have
at least i can give up this part of my life ,,i'm too weak to fight everyone..but i can't give up my career dreams ..this what will support me all over my life
and from beliveing in * ألطيبون للطيبات * i'm not worried and i believe that Allah will give me the best and the best choice is what i'll end with
i just need to relax and stop thinking ..and leave it all to Allah ..:)
he created us all & knows eveything about us & the best for us .. i trust Allah
i shouldn't be that worried ..and stop wasting time worrying about stuff that i can't change
it's all Fate ..:
i think it's time for my heart to accept the reailty that my brain already 80% accepted it
not fully accepted ..but i'll do my best anyway ..
in the end .. اللى فيه الخير يقدمه ربنا

افكارى لحد دلوقتى 2014

وستكتشفين يا سيدتى ان البكاء لا يعيد شيئا ولا يغير شيئا
حتى وان بكيتى طوال اليوم كل يوم ..لن يغير شيئا 
وبمرور الوقت ستجدى ان البكاء لم يعد بامكانه ان يجعلك تشعرين افضل
كل ما تجنيه من البكاء هو عين منتفخة وعقل سينفجر
وتساؤلات عن سبب بكاؤك وهذاامر ليس له اجابة
فلذلك ابكى ما شئتى وامسحى تلك الدموع وكونى اكثر نضجا
ولاتضيعى وقتك بالبكاء ولكن استخدمى وقتك لان تعطى قلبك الفرصة
لتقبل الواقع بشكل افضل 
---------------
فى الواقع انا شخص لا يحب الخسارة ويفضل الا يخسر اى شئ
ولكن الخسارة مفروضة علينا فى الكثير من الاحيان
لن اخسر واظل ساكنا ف مكانى - لاننى لا استطيع ان استسلم 
لذا الفرق هو اننى لا اتقبل خسارتى تماما ولكن احاول ان افعل ما بوسعى
لان اجعل تلك الخسارة بشكل ما تعود الى بشكل أفضل
وان اجعل من خسارتى هذه مكسب لى
ع الاقل لا افقد كل الاشياء تماما
ان افقد نصف الاشياء ولا افقدها كلها
خسارة جزئية وليست كلية 
 ----------------------------------
ملهوش لازمة الكلام الكتير طالما محدش هيفهمك او هيقتنع باللى بتقوله
ف الاخر انت مجنون او عايش فى اوهام وبعيد عن الواقع 
ملهوش لازمة تشرح كتيير لناس ف دماغها فكرة معينة ومش هتغيرها
وفر وقتك وطاقتك وانفعالاتك والوقت هو العلاج لكل حاجة
الوقت هيبين مين الصح ومين الغلط ..لاننا مش صح دايما ومش غلط دايما
وفى وقت حكمنا حكم ما- مبتبقاش عارف ايه الضغوطات مثلا اللى ممكن تكون مأثرة عليك
عشان كده مهما اتعرضت من كلام يضايقك او كلام مش حقيقى او سوء فهم
اصمت واصبر والايام هتثبت الحقيقة فى وقتها او فكرتك اللى محدش اقتنع بيها
----------------------------------------------
فى بلدنا هنا ان كنت تظن ان تحقيق احلامك شيئا سهلا فانت تحلم
ان كنت تظن ان الحلم ستيحقق فى يوم يومين شهر شهرين او حتى عاما فانت تحلم
ان كنت تظن انك لن تضطر الى مواجهه احد ويكفى وجودك معك فانت تحلم
عشان تحقق حلمك اول حاجة هتواجهها نفسك اللى كل يوم والتانى هتحاول تكسل وتحبطك
اللى كل يوم والتانى هتتأثر بكلام الناس ده وده
اللى كل يوم والتانى هتحاول تخليك تتردد ف ان ده حلمك ولا لأ
بعد اما تخلص ده مش هتسلم لانك لسه وكل مدى هتبقى ع دائرة اوسع
المرة دى اما تخرج من نفسك هتقابل اسرتك
وبعدها هتقابل عائلتك ككل - منطقتك
مجتمعك بلدك
لو عندك حلم بجد متستسلمش لان الاستسلام اسهل حاجة وهتلاقى حاجات كتير ف سكتك توقفك
 خليك مختلف وغير كل الناس ..لان كل واحد كان ليه حلم بس فى حاجة وقفته ف سكته
خليك مختلف وانجح ف تحقيق حلمك
اصبر وكلك ايمان انك هتتحققه ومتزهقش لو ايه زهقك
وخليك عارف ان حلمك ممكن ياخد وقت كتير سنيين مثلا
فمن دلوقتى حدد ياترى حلمك يستاهل انك تصارع نفسك والعالم كله عشانه
ولا حلم هتسيبه مع اول طوبة تكعبلك فى الطريق
ابدأ من دلوقتى واثبت مكانك ومتخليش حاجة توقفك
العمر قصير بالنسبة لكل اللى نفسك تعمله فى حياتك
خليك مختلف وحقق كل او حتى معظم احلامك ف فترة عمرك دى

----------------------------------

لم يعد هناك مجالا للمزيد من تضيع الوقت
----------------------------------
تخلى عن كسلك انه وقت العمل والتنفيذ
وقت الخروج من القوقعة والعمل على مجال اكبر واوس
------------------------------------
 

:( + :) = :|

Still in the mood of undefined feelings :\
many many things happening these days
i'm super busy ..
my sister is coming today after a few hours
i deactivated my FB & Ask accounts ,,* the best start for a new year *
i haven't felt the happiness of the new year ..it was the worst ever
and this really doesn't matter much ..it's not about the start
it's about every thing will happen along this year
anyway i'm not angry of being busy ..this is what i want to be all the time ^^
now i don't have time to think about anything or bother myself
well there is something bothering me , i just got my spring account back
and i've been recieving questions & i saw it in the mail ,,but can't see it on my page there :D
this was kinda bothering me the past 3 days :D i can't answer XD
it's kinda strange even after i deactivate my every accounts ..still some anonymous sending me questions hhhhhhhhhhh seems like someone knows me ..
and i thought i'm making the best Run away :D
anyway i'm happy this way ..i got to be more in my real life ..and finally i gave up all the fake stuff and suffocating myself with nonsense
i mean life is more ..time is running ..time never stops for anyone
so we need to use time wisely
till my Engagement party next week ..i'll be the busiest ever
in shaa Allah ..i'll keep praying everyday for this ..i'm still a little confused
but still i'm going on my way :)
my heart still not ready at all

8 months left :O

well i gave up the stupid fighting in my head
and i decided to give it a try
everyone seems to be happy
it's no longer about me & myself anymore
8 months for the wedding is the longest time we could get ..max possible
i mean it's much better than 3 months !!
so i'll use them carefully to know everything
in shaa Allah .. all for the best ..
although i'm not feeling afraid or nervous about the wedding word
it seem too close ..and i seem like i don't care :D
let's hope for the best in the mean time :)

is it true ? or i'm just running away ?!! :\

everytime i feel this ..i don't know what to do ..i'm confused ..
i can't say yes ..i can't say no .. i just don't know ..as i feel nothing
i also forget those people faces too fast
there are 2 important facts
1st : good people meet good people
that's why whoever we meet is a good ones
2nd and i wish this society understand that
there are too many good people ..and being good people both doesn't mean we should end together .. like not because he is a good one ..i suppose to end with him 
there are many things no matter how hard i try to explain
no one will ever understand ..that's why i'll keep silent till the very end :)

anyway i can't rely in this in my opinion whether i should continue or say no
it's hard to say ...really ..and as a good people we are always afraid to judge a wrong judgment ..as we really believe is that * كما تدين تدان *
what u do for others *bad thing* ..it'll happen 4 u surely
that's what make us...like no matter how bad or dying i may feel i can't say something
according to just feelings ..i must have a solid reason for that * the worst thing in this society* for refusing a good guy with bla bla bla bla -_-

1st i was soo angry ..i gave up my dreams ..the man of my dreams ..i choose to forget about it all ..for what !! i gave up * such an idiot*
- and i forgot about all things that might stand in my way .. i thought this is the best thing
this was a good move ..as now i feel free from many things
then i lost my dreams as i wondered everything about dreams are wrong they keep saying never give up , keep believing ..in the end u'll get it ..but never ...none of my dreams happened ..no matter how i believed and filled  my heart with hopes 4 it ..
i was soo angry .. i was blinded ...but now i know one thing
maybe this wasn't the right thing and it's not the good 4 me ..so i felt much better :)

but no matter how i try to compare things together..still can't say ..no matter how i explain no one understands*this really kills me*  ..they want to be happy ..and me too i want to be happy and get married ..but i can't get married to just anyone ..there must be something special in the 1st meeting ...*like i always sensed in my whole life situations :\ *
but nothing happen it's all like i'm talking to myself  ..finally i said ..i let all this thoughts go
i'll think as my radar can't get the real feeling for the situation ..my radar has broken down  maybe thinking too much made me confused and people keep pissing me off ..that's why i'm mistaken about this ..i'll ignore this
i'll keep going as u want ..i'm not losing i'll keep myself at peace
as i believe that this feelings is protected 4 the only one ..just one ..

finally i found out the real thing over all this stuff ان تكون مع الله عز وجل
i'm only having Allah by my side ..the only one understands me ..the only one knows me well ..the only one knows what is the best for me .. so i'll shut up ..and continue
as i believe in Allah will help me ...will give me the best ..no matter how bad i'm .. and i'll love all Allah gives me  ^^
 * He created me and he knows what perfectly suits me *
i admit it i was too far from Allah  for the past 5 months ...i really didn't recognize it's that long :((.. OMG !!..it's just tiring .. i know Allah is calling me to get back to him and be the way i used to be ... so i need to get closer and read Quran ..and ask Allah for forgiveness :(

and If this is my punishment , i'll accept it 
i'll do my best.. i'll try hard 
i'll change for the best , because i can't lose the future 
i can lose now & today ..but not my future 

i won't cry as i know crying won't prevent anything from happening ..and won't change what will happen 
but still i can hope for the best .. and pray for it 

as long as i know and believe in Allah's wisdom and Allah always choose the best for us
i'm sure Allah will choose the best for me  ...so i'll stop thinking and worrying about this 
فقط سأتركها لله واستعين بالله 
فان كان خيرا فسيسره الله لى 
وانا كان شرا سيبعده الله عنى
هكذا اؤمن وهكذا ما سيحدث 
يااارب

boring -_-

everything is boring like hell ...my friends each one of them day after day go farther..from 6 to 2 :| ..really nothing ever stays the same ..
since our group is just 2 with me ...1 is lost by sleeping ..the 2nd is busy with her complicated engagement...
yeah i admit it i miss college days ..i feel lonely ..i miss talking with my friends ..but i understand how busy their life is .. :\ someday i'll be super busy and have no free time :|
i miss college ..feel so free it kills me ..but i won't apply to any job till my sister leaves !!
i'm even too lazy to do anything ..to read ..to learn ..to crochet ..it's all boring even watching dramas ..too boring ...i'm the biggest loser  ever .. i need a lift up ...
i wanna wake up this soul ..
why am i feeling too bad !?
ast3'fr Allah el 3azeem
it's 2:30 am ..it's too cold ..why can't i sleep ?? i feel soo bad ..i don't sleep any much
hardly sleep ...why why !? :\ why i'm thinking too much !!?
that's what i hate ..some peace of mind ..all i need
i don't even know why i'm doing this to myself
i just wish thing get better ...i should leave fb for a while ..so i can't notice that no one there..
i always have the intentions ..but never do what i want
i need to be doer than a thinker ..at the mean time ..so i can have some mind peace
and my soul can rest for a bit ..don't know what future might hold for me :\
i think i need to try harder to encourge myself..in the end we all just have ourselves
and i hope today in 2nd blind meeting ..to go well if this is the best 4 me
i don't want more shocks :| or wasting time ..:| i gave up my dream man

everything will be okay i Believe

no matter what ..i believe
no matter what the end will be
it'll be the best *5eer* for me ..i believe
i think this heart don't beat ..just the calm feel ..nothing more
no rapid heartbeats ..just normal ones :\

This Time i was like a Robot ..Emotionless ..
my heart was cold just like the weather ..thanks weather

that's growing up .. facing whatever without feelling anything ..not afraid 
just * motwakel 3ala Allah * knowing whatever happens is for the best 
so u will be relaxed  
growing up ..is accepting that ur life won't be much as ur thoughts & dreams 
i'll just live in silence :)
 

it's okay let's see

nothing much to say .. i don't feel anything anymore ..
i can't even get the things i wish 4 & i won't cry for that ..maybe it's not good for me
i gave up ..i lose .. i can't hold to my dreams any longer ..:\
i don't care who is the one than i'm gonna spend my life with forever
i'm no longer care .. this is not much important now
all i want is understanding , trust , respect ...
i want to do something good in my life .. life is short
i don't want to waste much time
 .. i hate rotine and ordinary things
but i will swallow all this ..i can ...i can gave up the dream of the best soul-mate
coz no matter how i'll hold onto this dream..i'm so weak to fight 4 it with my life
coz society ..it's all about society .. these thoughts that killed many bright people
coz it's not a thing i can handle ..i can't do anything ..but dream & thinking
so if i gave up this dream that's very important as it for the rest of my life
i won't give the other dreams .. i'm afraid to give all it up ..then how can i live :((
i can't & i don't want to give up my future dream of other things 
i want to have a career with my own thoughts , work ..
build my own self ..without any one stopping me from becoming the person i want to be
i want someone to understand me and support me soulfully..

no matter how many people might encourage u ..it's all words and written things
real world and society ..have another word
 just make anyone hate that they were born girls :\

 

it's been a long time

how i become like this !!
how could i do this !!
i can't believe i forgot my blog
for this long time
it's strange ..boring ... and scary
this blog just makes me sad ..:(
do i have to delete it ?! :\

sad :((

i don't know what to say :(
i'm deeply sad
i can't believe
it's really hard
:'((

حقا اشعر بالامتنان ^^

هناك اشخاص مقدر لهم العيش فقط فى احلامنا
اسعادنا فقط فى احلامنا
ليسوا اشخاصا مجهولون تماما ..بلا اشخاص نعرفهم فى حياتنا
ولكن لم نحظى يوما بفرصة محادثتهم
نعلم عنهم الكثير من تلك الاحلام بدون ان يعلموا شيئا عنا
غريبة هى الاحلام كانها تصطنع احداثا ليست موجودة فى الواقع
تكتمل الاحلام كسلسلة من الاحداث ..احيانا مرتبة واحيانا غير مرتبة
حتى وان تكون مجرد كذبة ووهم وليست حقيقة
عالم من الخيال نعيشه كل فترة ويجلب لنا السعادة
هؤلاء الاشخاص يستحقون الشكر ..لانهم فى احلامنا برغم اننا لا نعرفهم لم يخذلونا
واستطاعوا اسعادنا ، بعكس الكثير فى الحقيقة
لذا سيظل هذا العالم الخيالى ن الغامض ,الغريب
مثير دائما وجميل
 ..حقا من يستحق الشكر هذا العقل الذى اصطنع تلك الاحداث الخيالية
فقط لاسعادنا واخراجنا من حالة كان من الصعب علينا اخراج نفسنا منها
فشكرا عقلى على كل شئ <3

will it flower again this September ?

i'm tired ..as i said before ..this special month always carry something good , not really good ..but something shocking ..surprising ..specially for those who are born in it >
i've said earlier that 2013 is the same like 2010 >> i can call it the worst year of my life
and yet i can't find something happy in them .. :\
although i was hoping much from this year , but it came to it's end for me this august
it had alot of tiring & sad things ..
and suffering from a deep pain since my health wasn't good for days ..and wt made it worse ..that my soul was in a bad state ..i lost all my powers by the end of ramadan and the last 3 days of Ramadan was hard for me .. as i collapsed
it was a mix of everything ..a state that it's hard for me to get out of it ..
feel lost ..have nothings ..i'm nothing .. people not the way we think they are
u r the only one who can help urself in this whole life ..
i was a bit shocked of many many things ..that it hurt me a lot .. still hurting me
i know this all from my weak self ..that couldn't even help itself :((
i felt like i'm going crazy ..my heart was going to explode from everything ..i'm no more patient for anything ..i cried evey day .. but nothing changed ..just crying every day and hiding the tears .. no one really knows ..i don't even know what wrong with me
i just lost my way for a little bit ..maybe not alittle ..i lost it all ..
i wish to be myself that i've known for along time ..but it's hard
every time it's harder ..:((
realizing many things ... i'm not the one i used to be .. i'm different
everything is different :|

after along fight with myself ..mind and soul ..healing that really is going to take  along time this time
i finally was able to find myself again ..it was just the start ..but i just get back 5 steps back..nearly to the start of August ..my self fighting gone :\

by the 1st day of september i got a new confession and a half
this put me in a deep and a sad mood .. i'm hurt ..angry and feeling sick
like dying
i refused the feelings of the full confession ..and the other half is waiting to complete it
realizing the there are people trying to get to you for years
one or 2 or 4 .. everyone have a specific hard times ..trying to get my attention and to finally tell me ...i'm grateful for them all .. but i can't accept all this feelings ..one will just be accepted ..so i feel sorry ..:|
i'm the 1st love of that ..and the 2nd for that ..and not even counting number  for that ....
it's hard to tell what will happen ..there are people if they say it ..i will accept their feelings happily ..
some tells u they love you , some tells u they hate you
sometimes you get in a bad mood and feel suffocating by the confession of love by  someone ...
and be happy when some specific people when they say they hate you
seriously ..it's not the love words that the girls seek for or will fall for it
it really depends on the person who says the words ..if he is someone acceptable for her or not
that's the point .. :)
not because it's a love words ..i will be fully happy and say yes and this stuff
i think  i really like this stuff like surprising ..and getting accepted
but reality isn't like a show, or a movies ..that why we like this things ..coz eveything is simple not like this world ..but what in movies stays in movies ..
it's a bigger decision to make in your whole entire life ..which you can't  make a single mistake
maybe it's too much of me ..maybe i don't get it
maybe i don't know what i really want
but seriously why i'm not happy after hearing this ??!!
for me it have one explanation .. which is ..
this is all wrong ..those aren't the right for me .. :((
do i make it big ?!!
i don't know ... i don't understand anything anymore ..
i just want to find myself ..
and
i didn't refuse the half confession ..
if it completes i think i might accept it  .. 90% i will ..
i may not feeling sad nor happy about it ..
but i'm comfortable with it .. :\

people we really like and we are comfortable with are the ones takes along time to say something , this in case they even say something :\\

 it's better to be with someone who loves you ,,than to be with someone you don't know
this is how i think

i wish my heart stop complaining and start to feel many things around
i'm starting to think that i'm really cold ..or maybe it's because nothing is right !!!! :-?


i know the question is a bit stupid it never flowers in september , it's impossible
:\
even if it were impossible i still wish it to flower again :)

 

i'm back ..need Healing :\

it has been 2 weeks ..since i wanted to type many things
but i'm always tired ... can't focus ..kinda lost .. sick all the time
like now i'm about to sleep ..but hardly forcing myself to stay awake
there are many things in my mind that i wanna say
it's tiring that ...all this hidden and painful feelings ..which killing me slowly
are still kept inside 
i need a new start ..i need something refreshing
my soul is deeply exhausted ..needs to heal
i'm so sleepy that i can't even think or type all what i want to
i think i will give up today and go to sleep -_-

Back after very long time :\

مر الوقت سريعا كعاصفة قصيرة المدى
لازلت اعانى من اثارها حتى الان
ويبدو ان ذلك سيستمر لبضعه اسابيع قادمة
لا استطيع قول الكثير
هناك العديد من الاشياء تغيرت
تعلمت الكثير -_-
راضية انا عما اعانى منه الان
والحمدلله على كل شئ
كل العواصف مهما كانت شدتها وحدتها تمر
بالصبر والايمان ستمر
بقوتهما معا وباستعانتك بالله ستمر
كل شئ ينتهى لا شئ يستمر للابد
فقط النهايات سعيدة
اعنى اؤمن اننا سأفرح اليوم وغدا
واليوم الذى يليه واليوم الذى يليه
قوة ايمانى بان الغد افضل ما يكون تتعدى الحدود
فقط سأتفائل واعتمد على الله ربى
وباذن ربى سأسعد ويفرح قلبى
:)

sensei ^^

closed

nothing to say :)

deactivating !!! :\..totally exhausted

i have deactivated my FB account since last thrusday .. and i was going to type how everyday passed ..but this didn't matter anyway.. coz i don't feel anything ..i don't miss my FB ..well i miss it a little .. but not to reactivate it sooner...

so i feel so sorry for the people i made them to worry ..or sad ..or wtever ..
i'm really sorry ..it maybe selfish thing to just think about myself
that's why i'm deeply sorry

i;m afraid i won't be able to come back b4 the end of April ..
coz i really need this ..need to use my time more wisely
it's just 2 months to final exams...i'm lost ..
i need a real recharging my powers ..feel so powerless ..
i need to study for my last chance ...it's only 2 months left ..
i should be stronger and fight all this distraction
i decided to just focus on my studies 4 the coming 3 months ..
i don't care ..it's just 3 months , not along time ..and i really have to help myself
i can't ask anyone for help , not easy for me ...
although i haven't done anything yet ..but still i hope i'll do better tomorrow
i want to do it better this time .. it's just for my sake ..
its time to do something for me ..i've been so careless about myself for years
i don;t want to do any mistakes ..

i hate to regret ..i don't want to regret it later
that i was able to do something & i didn't work hard for it
no matter how tired i feel , sad or whatever ..
suffocated and don't feel like wanna do anything
i'll fight this all ,,i 'll be a better person ..
even for once in my life... i will do it
maybe it's hard & harder to fight this
maybe my powers are wasted on this fighting ..
i have to be patient ..the begining is always the hardest ..
even if i feel i can't be patient these days ...
still i'll find away ...i have to do it ...i will do it ..in shaa Allah

so for who cares ..maybe they are very few ..but i just don't wish  to see u sad or bored ..or worried ...i'm okay ..even if not ..i'll try to be better ..just wait

i'm exhausted  very exhausted  ... i feel tired & need more sleep ..need healing
so i will listen first what myself wish to do ..i'll do it ..
step by step ....gradually 
in the End i'll get to wt  i want :)

Gasuem apaseo nettomonae apawaseo :\

i heard someone someday said : " many things are better to be left unsaid "
also
- it's better to be misunderstood than to say something hurts others ...
so i choose to be silent ..don't care anymore for wt others think of me ..:|

so if i ignored u someday .. that's for your own good ..
it hurts every time i see you ....

this song stuck in my head :((