somehow ..i'm feeling alone ... there is such emptiness inside me that i guess no one can fill it ..:\
i don't know what to do ...i built my own imaginary world and lived in it .
so i won't suffer or feel bad of anything ...:\
my close sister got married 3 weeks & 4 days ago ..* today she completes a month *
i thought i'd be feeling bad , sick & crying the whole time ..
but i didn't feel anything at all ... i don't even think about her ...
yeah i confess it ...1st day was the only day i cried alot ..i woke up crying ..crying tooo much ..that it was hard to breathe ..and all the left makeup on my eyes flow with the tears ...
i kept trying hard to hide my tears from every one specially mom & dad ...i cried alot that day .. my eyes let people know .. i was terribly sick ..i didn't want to do anything ..i kept crying like a fool
i was crying just because i realized too many things ..i didn't realize it earlier ..
that dina will no longer live with us .. no more talking b4 sleeping ... no more playing together ..
no more manythings we used to do together ..even if she came ..it never going to be the same as b4 ... i kept thinking that this is a selfishness of me to think that way ....
i know i treated her badly the last few days b4 she leaves ...i was acting like .. i'm strong enough to live without u ...and i don't care.. hell yeah ..i'm good at acting and hiding my feelings ..
i hold my tears till she left and i let.. them .. i made a promise to myself that day
that this is the only day i'll think about her ...the last day to think and cry ..
that's what she choose ..she is happy ..so i must feel happy for her ..and not to cry like fools and make her feel bad or anything ...and to not make my parents thinks that i'm sad or anything
i just cried for 2 hours ...and since then i've not even thought about her or miss her ..
don't know what going on ..?!!... is that coz i buried this feelings ...
or i'm a strong person .??!!... or i just wanna run away of this
i'm kinda feeling complicated this day ,, mixed feelings ...i'm not happy or sad
i can''t explain what i really feel ,
but i feel lonely ..and i think i'm going to get used to it ..
i'm a boring person ..
i'm not introvert in real life ..
i'm an extrovert and laugh & smiles the whole time ..but still i feel suffering inside ..
some sadness inside ..don't know ...i 've been always like this
people kept envy me for my smile ..that i'm smiling the whole time as if i have nothing to worry about
they never know ,,what i even been through ...i really hate to talk to other about what annoys me or what i'm afraid of ..or what made me sad ...
coz i really hate to see others sad...for that i keep being happy ..*pretending*
and i'm strong enough to get over this sadness inside my heart ...
i'm good actor at hiding emotions espicially sadness , depression ..but i'm not an actor when it comes to someone i don't bear
i just spell the words without i even care whether it hurts or not ..
it's written on my face ...well in the end i don't lie to others ...
it's a strange :|
i don't know what to do ...i built my own imaginary world and lived in it .
so i won't suffer or feel bad of anything ...:\
my close sister got married 3 weeks & 4 days ago ..* today she completes a month *
i thought i'd be feeling bad , sick & crying the whole time ..
but i didn't feel anything at all ... i don't even think about her ...
yeah i confess it ...1st day was the only day i cried alot ..i woke up crying ..crying tooo much ..that it was hard to breathe ..and all the left makeup on my eyes flow with the tears ...
i kept trying hard to hide my tears from every one specially mom & dad ...i cried alot that day .. my eyes let people know .. i was terribly sick ..i didn't want to do anything ..i kept crying like a fool
i was crying just because i realized too many things ..i didn't realize it earlier ..
that dina will no longer live with us .. no more talking b4 sleeping ... no more playing together ..
no more manythings we used to do together ..even if she came ..it never going to be the same as b4 ... i kept thinking that this is a selfishness of me to think that way ....
i know i treated her badly the last few days b4 she leaves ...i was acting like .. i'm strong enough to live without u ...and i don't care.. hell yeah ..i'm good at acting and hiding my feelings ..
i hold my tears till she left and i let.. them .. i made a promise to myself that day
that this is the only day i'll think about her ...the last day to think and cry ..
that's what she choose ..she is happy ..so i must feel happy for her ..and not to cry like fools and make her feel bad or anything ...and to not make my parents thinks that i'm sad or anything
i just cried for 2 hours ...and since then i've not even thought about her or miss her ..
don't know what going on ..?!!... is that coz i buried this feelings ...
or i'm a strong person .??!!... or i just wanna run away of this
i'm kinda feeling complicated this day ,, mixed feelings ...i'm not happy or sad
i can''t explain what i really feel ,
but i feel lonely ..and i think i'm going to get used to it ..
i'm a boring person ..
i'm not introvert in real life ..
i'm an extrovert and laugh & smiles the whole time ..but still i feel suffering inside ..
some sadness inside ..don't know ...i 've been always like this
people kept envy me for my smile ..that i'm smiling the whole time as if i have nothing to worry about
they never know ,,what i even been through ...i really hate to talk to other about what annoys me or what i'm afraid of ..or what made me sad ...
coz i really hate to see others sad...for that i keep being happy ..*pretending*
and i'm strong enough to get over this sadness inside my heart ...
i'm good actor at hiding emotions espicially sadness , depression ..but i'm not an actor when it comes to someone i don't bear
i just spell the words without i even care whether it hurts or not ..
it's written on my face ...well in the end i don't lie to others ...
it's a strange :|
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