no matter how i was looking forward today ..to go & attend this event ..jap,day
i'm not going in the end ..
well many things happened in this few days ..since i made up my mind & said i'm going
really this time
don't know if i'm really afraid to go out
or it just i must not go out
yeah i find it a bit hard to go out .. i don't feel safe anyway
maybe the reason ..
i can't say how many reasons i made up on my mind ..
to prevent myself from going out ^^
like :
1 - mom was sick morning on thrusday ..so..i can't go out ..i must stay & help her
2- i don't feel like it ..i'm just lazy to go out ..
lazy to even choose the cloths i'm going to wear :\\
3-i have alot to do ..many cleaning at home ..and a lot of homework for college
i haven't finished any ...so i don't deserve to have fun
coz even if i went to this event ..i know i won't enjoy my time
as i will still feel guilt the whole time,..feel uncomfortable ,,and most important
i'll keep feeling unsafe ..& in defensing mode..which will kill all the moments
4 - i'm deeply sad ..and need this things..need to get out of such depression..but still
i can't be selfish ,,and here comes prioritizes ,, i should stay home
5 - i'll try to finish all the work ..and keep remembering all the promises i made with my friends coz it kills me , i said something & didn't do it :\\
so this reasons are really good more than enough , to make me feel better to let go of attending ^^
so i'm staying home & will try to finish as much as i can ..from all this ..
i think this will make me happy ..as others will feel happy so i will be happy too :)
and to feel some peace and rest ..mind peace ^^
yeaaaaaaaaaaah ^^ i feel good about this all plans..
what left is to work ..,,Action ..done with the sayings
maybe this is apart from my bad mood this days :]
but eventually Everything will be perfect :)
i need time ..:)
i'm not going in the end ..
well many things happened in this few days ..since i made up my mind & said i'm going
really this time
don't know if i'm really afraid to go out
or it just i must not go out
yeah i find it a bit hard to go out .. i don't feel safe anyway
maybe the reason ..
i can't say how many reasons i made up on my mind ..
to prevent myself from going out ^^
like :
1 - mom was sick morning on thrusday ..so..i can't go out ..i must stay & help her
2- i don't feel like it ..i'm just lazy to go out ..
lazy to even choose the cloths i'm going to wear :\\
3-i have alot to do ..many cleaning at home ..and a lot of homework for college
i haven't finished any ...so i don't deserve to have fun
coz even if i went to this event ..i know i won't enjoy my time
as i will still feel guilt the whole time,..feel uncomfortable ,,and most important
i'll keep feeling unsafe ..& in defensing mode..which will kill all the moments
4 - i'm deeply sad ..and need this things..need to get out of such depression..but still
i can't be selfish ,,and here comes prioritizes ,, i should stay home
5 - i'll try to finish all the work ..and keep remembering all the promises i made with my friends coz it kills me , i said something & didn't do it :\\
so this reasons are really good more than enough , to make me feel better to let go of attending ^^
so i'm staying home & will try to finish as much as i can ..from all this ..
i think this will make me happy ..as others will feel happy so i will be happy too :)
and to feel some peace and rest ..mind peace ^^
yeaaaaaaaaaaah ^^ i feel good about this all plans..
what left is to work ..,,Action ..done with the sayings
maybe this is apart from my bad mood this days :]
but eventually Everything will be perfect :)
i need time ..:)
ليست هناك تعليقات:
إرسال تعليق